Friday, October 28, 2016

The Three Body Problem by Liu Cixin

3 body problem

What I drank: few brews and a half bottle of the literal world’s best Malbec. I’m not lit but I’m classy with it so, pish posh, hoe.

Spoilerfree: OK I borrowed The Three Body Problem from my roommate, Frank, who borrowed it from his brother, who stole it from their dad’s cabinet. None of them knew what it was about. It’s a work in translation from Chinese, and the first, apparently, of a trilogy or some shit, by Liu Cixin. Who knows. All I know is this:

·         It’s a sci-fi novel in the purest sense of the word
·         Apparently it’s the all-time most read sci-fi in Chinese history
·         It’s not the “easiest” read, for a number of reasons (which I shall attend to, calmate)
·         This entry’s spoiler free section will be particularly free of spoilers, just because when I wrapped my head around what was actually happening in TBP  I WAS GODDAM FLABBERGASTED. But maybe I’m dumb; in any case I wanna leave no clues

The novel takes place in China between the cultutral revolution and “present” day, and it’s characters are all goddam profesors and/or generals, (there’s a character list on page, like 1, so no spoilers yet; don’t fret) so you get the impression some real shit is poppin off. Readers see a number of time/plot lines unveiled for them simultaneously, starting with the murder of Ye Zhetai in the 1940s, the ascencion of his widower, Ye Wenjie, into the ranks of a military surveillance base in the ‘50s, and the abrubpt and the hallucinations of a nanomaterials expert, Wang Miao (three bodies, get it?) in the year 2007. Ze Winjei and Wang Miao meet up in present day in the context of an open source, online, VR computer game/real time physics experiment called “The Three Body Problem” wherein they have to deduce some wild fuggin physics (google “three body problem” and check it out, it’s actually crazy to conceptualize and Liu Cixin does a phenomenal job explaining it to laypeople).
Hilarity and murder and madness ensue. Yeah. From a game. It’s like halo or some shit, but real ppl are waking up dead when they “lose”.

Writing Style
There is a fuckton of like cultural references and historical events for which the narrator, Ken Liu, leaves ample and enthralling footnotes. Between them, the characters’ involvement and understanding of the major plots at hand are unveiled. To be honest, this novel was NOT easy to read. A large part of it was the  frequent and deep scientific language. I’m not an idiot. I’m good at words, and I love science. However comma I found myself rereading numerous passages to try to understand exactly what the author wanted to convey. Paragraphs about microwave radiation and the function and fashion of nanoparticles were hard for me to follow. But das me doe.

Additionally, and more what I think bothered me, was the pacing, the syntax, the dialogue. I found them hard to fall into, if that makes sense. I mean, I’m a native reader of English, the novel was written in Chinese, and the translator worked to adhere to the structure and feel of a Chinese novel. It was an accomplishment in that regard, and It was work to read. I wanted to read it, so I did, and the unveiling of these spoilers was ultimately  sexy as hell. I was mad happy with it though, At a few points I had to put her down and sit back and, like, reflect on how I didn’t see the shit coming.
 Impressive. no bullshit.

Spoilers: quick and durty

Pairing: a dope ass red wine because it’s tasty, then you get to the last quarter of the bottle and realize YOURE FUCKED, YO.

RATING: 3.55/5 I mean it’s a cool read but I finished it because I WANTED to finish. I was never compelled to do so. that being said i'm not ready to give up on the series. vamos a ver.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff

Hey guys, time for another joint post...

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff

Sam's Review Parker's Review
What I drank prior: so it's a Doctor night and the first one in several weeks so I've had at least 7 beers if not more. Probably more like 8. Not the drunkest I've ever been but it's enough to write.

Spoiler-free Overview: Okay so I like to say this is Hogwarts but for assassins. Let me start by saying this is def an adult book. Like within the first 10 pages there's graphic sex. There's this chick, don't wanna tell you her name because it's a super cool mystery, and she wants to be an assassin to revenge her family after they were brutally murdered. The dad was murdered cause he was tryna rebel against an oppresive government. So she goes to this school to be taught shit about killin other folk. Mysteries evolve. Adventures happen. etc etc.

Spoiler-free thoughts:
This book is the fantasy I've been waiting for. And the sex scenes. I read each at least twice. O' snicker as much as you want.

Plot: Okay, so the plot was awesome. It dragged a bit in the middle. I was so enthralled in the mystery that the education bit was boring. But DAMN it was good. I started by tweeting that I wanted a fucking shadow cat that followed me around and taught me things. Jay was like "Are you sure?" I'm like DUH! but that then made me super skeptical. (YES JAY MOTHERFUCKING KRISTOFF REPLIED TO ME. This is not a drill) But the plot twist was not a joke. I was legitimately surprised. And with all the fantasy I read, that's hard to do. I cannot wait to find out what happens to chick.

Writing Style: This book was gorgeous. Legitimately gorgeous. The first 11 pages of this book are mirrored. Like the events that happen in the present are mirrored in what happens in th past and it's beautiful. I was immediately immersed in the stroy but ONLY because of the writing. It was beatuiful. He describes things so uniquely that it's never hard to even imagine what's going on.

Characters: Alright. I L-O-V-E-D the characters. They were so well thought out and brilliant. Even the ones that didn't matter I cared about. And the ones that DID matter, holy fuck, i needed them to be ok. Legit. Needed.

Also, minor side note: Jay legit understands what its like to go through quitting smoking. Not like I've tried and failed that before......

World Building: I know this isn't part of our usual style but I felt the need to put it in here. Jay decides that he wants to build his world through footnotes. When the narrator brings up something out of context, the author puts in these footnotes that are both hysterical and beautiful at the same time. I felt like I was learning so much more about the world through the footnotes. It helps with the "telling" v. "showing" conflict that authors have. Jay "tells" in the most interesting way.

Side note: the footnotes are also hysterical. the end.

Spoiler thoughts:

Rating:  5/5 Shots DUH. I want literally every adult to read this book.

What to pair it with: A cigarette (obviously) and your favorite beer. Not just your favorite beer but whatever you WANT from your favorite beer. THAT BEER is the one you need to drink with this book.

What I drank: infinite bud lights out of a tardis cup and a lot of blood. So when Sam told me that she found the fantasy novel that she, “had been waiting for”, I obvi had to read it and boy, was she right as hell. Nevernight by Jay Kristoff is smart and action packed and hot and muhfuggin magical.

Spoiler free overview: Our lil protagonista is a BAWSE. Some traumatic events from her childhood have given her the fuel she needs to do just about anything. Anything, in this case, involves training to be a part of a super secret religious sect . this sect is normal. Her initiation was to bring the teeth of a man she killed to this sacred temple in the desert as a tithe. Casual. Yanno, they hide from the three suns which are always visisble, (such explains the title, no?) and, wait for it, they are fucking assassin ninjas. Who do, like magic (Ok so they don’t “DO” magic, but they employ some like blood magicians. And these people can heal any wound of the flesh and have a blood toilet-instant transport-thingamabob in the basement that I fully recommend 11/10 must try.)If you’re thinking, “wow, that sounds like howgarts kinda!” you right, except this school is way more stabby and all the professors are Snapes (rip), and there’s a class on blowjobs. Even among such interesting characters, our lil lady stands out. Over and over, people tell her, that she “doesn’t belong” for a bunch of reasons, including that she can like control the night and shadows like an extenson of her own hand. Whatever. Nbd. Regardless this novels iteration of the young bae’s coming of age is exquisite. She lives, she learns, she cums and the plot remains impossible to forecast regardless. WILL our heroine avenge the treatment of her family by the corrupt state monarch? Will she find time to love her fellow orphan and smouldering look-giver, Tric, in an environment that is designed to sharpen her to a blade? Is she a squirter? Read and find out, idjit.

Writing Style: Kristoff’s universe is well planned and thoughtgul. This isn’t really a surprise, considering how I felt about his series with aMie Kaufmann. However he does tremendous work with the physical page in order to sufficiently draw us in. what does he use? FEREEKING FOOTNOTES. They range VASTLY in size, importance anf frequency, and heyre like lil annotations for the entirety of the novel. Also important to me was the pace of this novel. it didn’t have a traditional plot structure. Instead we really built up and up and up throughout the bulk of the work. By the time I was ¾ of the way through I was reading by intertia. I plummeted toward the conclusion of the novel at terminal velocity and the splash at my impact was quite the satisfying collision


What it rates: bruh like 5/5 Margaritas on rocks w/salt read on the beach under the sun’s unending rays. Know that you may burn but that the heat your skin makes will light your boo’s skin up like a lantern later that night. Take a sexond gulp and read that second chapter.

What to pair it with: a red red, blood red wine in a glass deep enough to step into

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

5 Fictional Characters I'd Like to Get Hammered With

So this is a little different. I'm working on trying to do other things. So i've come up with a list of fictional character folks i want to have a drink with.

What I drank prior: A whole goddamn bottle of wine and a trip to see a friend who just had a massive brain tumor removed. I'm set.

These are 5 friends (or groups of friends) i want to get hammered with.

5. Bobby Pendragon - Pendragon Series by DJ MacHale
Dude this kid has got it real. Like, he knows whats up and he just wants to fix things. But i feel like he would be super fun to drink with because he needs a super-break. like, he needs a minute to chill and i could totally give that to him. i grew up with Bobby. He's like a brother to me. I could totally get him laid. wingman #ftw

4. Mia Corvere - Nevernight by Jay Kristoff
This chick is so cool. I feel like i could go out on a night drinking with her and she'd drink em under the table. and thats no small feat. Also, i'd love like, to see the before and after fo the crap Mia wnet through. i'd probs become bi for her

3. Fred and George Weasley - Harry Potter Series by The Goddess JK Rowling
Because duh. We'd get hammered and do all the stupid things i never have courage to do on my own.

2. Sevro au Barca: - Red Rising Trilogy by Pierce Brown
I want to get Sevro hammered. I think he'd be the best drinking buddy i've ever had ever. We'd get all silly and then make fun of people and then have politcal discussions until sometime during the night eh notices how pretty i am so he tells me so. maybe not but these are all happening in my mind. IM DRUNK DONT JUDGE ME'

1. Wayne - Mistborn: Alloy Era by His Holiness Brandon Sanderson
I WANT TO HAVE A DRINK WITH THIS MAN SO BADLY. Look at one point in the series he compared a church with a bar and it was briliant. please someone see this and understnd with me. Also, who can hate the quote "I aint never died in this hat"? Who? no one. beccause no one exists who can deal with that quirkyness.


Until next time, i remain drunkenly yours,

Friday, October 14, 2016

A Shadow Bright and Burning by Jessica Cluess


Look i've been having a couple of boring weeks so i'v read a lot. but i'm also trying to take November off of drinking so going to do a couple posts tonight.

A Shadow Bright and Burning By Jessica Cluess

What I drank prior: A whole bottle of wine with no dinner. If you've ever drank without eating you know the state i'm in.

Spoiler-free Overview: So, there's this girl who's a teacher. She has this power that she's afraid of having because women don't have this power. She's gonna try and hide (life she's done for her whole life) but her bestest friend ever is in danger so she uses her powers in front of someone important. Instead of exeuting her, she is praised for being the first woman in a gazillion years to have this power. Adventures happen.

Spoiler-free thoughts: you guys i loved this, so much.

Plot: So you know how typical YA has this whole trope-y thing? Love triangles, chosen one, etc.? This woman knows how to throw tropes on their head. Also, it was super well paced. Like, as soon as i felt the i-want-something-to-happen itch, i was satisfied. Well done.

Characters: Dude. OK, let me start by saying the main character (a woman) is so well developed i could cry. HOWEVER, what i find more impressive is how much i loved the secondary characters. Each have their own secrets. each have their own backstory and i love all of them. literally there isn't one that i don't love.

Writing Style: It's beautiful but sometimes hard to follow. That's my only thought.

Spoiler Thoughts:  Just going to trigger you for sexual assault

What to pair it with: Chambord. Because it gets you drunk but it tastes weird and you're still going to enjoy it.

Rating: 5/5 shots for sure. Loved it so much.

Until next time, i remain drunkenly yours,

Monday, October 10, 2016

Deep Blue by Jennifer Donnelly

Okay guys, debate night number 2 and i am HEATED. Cannot even begin to describe it.

Deep Blue by Jennifer Donnelly (Waterfire Saga #1)

What i drank prior: So.... i went wine tasting at a winery nearby with my mama and then.... debates and so somewhere near 3 bottles of wine since noon. its now 11:30pm. sooooo yeah.

Spoiler free overview:
So this is a book about mermaids. Can we talk about the cover? Please???? Which is pretty friggin cool i suppose. though this story was like, a normal YA book but underwater. Some chick is like, boutta be the crown princess and shit goes down and then she's gotta go find some place to save the sea. There are supposed to be 6 of 'em. her bff is one of them. and they're basically chased all through the sea to find this place so they can be a team and shit.

Spoiler free thoughts:
Alrighty, so i read this book really fast.

Plot: I was looking for something quick and easy and this was it. the main character Sera is a teenager and man is she a teenager. boy troubles et. al. however, what i liked about this book was while there was a boy, he wasn't on her mind all the time. i was pleasantly satisfied with that. more on that in the character section. but the plot was fast paced and easy to read. At some points though i kinda just wanted them to be safe ya know? but all in all i was cool with it.

Characters: So we've talked about the main character Sera, but the bff Neela. I swear to god if she talked about candy one more time i was going to barf. Lastly, the demon, its named after like... actual lore which is fine except i've read a lot about that demon and it seemed unoriginal.

World building: Dude, this book was so funny with the world building. The money was called currensea... CLEVER. Everything was swimming not walking etc. But still, it was neat. the cultures from the different oceans or seas mimiced the cultures of their terra counterparst. so like, the indian ocean had saris and stuff like that. pretty cool.

Rating: 3/5 shots. It wasn't bad, but not so good either. Very predictable.

What to pair it with: a good white wine. i just feel like its a white wine kinda book.