Will Read for Booze has decided to pull together a 24-hour BoozieBookathon. We're a bunch of drunks (obviously) and we love reading (double-obviously) so we've decided to combine the two into a marathon!
Here's the deal - on July 22nd-23rd from 8am-8am EST we're going to be reading, and drinking, and posting, and tweeting. And its gonna be awesome.
Our hosts
ME,
The outrageous, notorious, and infamous Parker,
The lovely Miss Virginia,
and several of our bookclubbin' friends
If you're interested in joining us, please sign up HERE and use #booziebookathon on Twitter! We'll be following all day, hosting power hours (AKA reading sprints), and chatting all day.
We've come up with a couple challenges. You CAN double up on challenges, this is meant to be fun, not get the highest number of books. Also note that you don’t have to actually drink while your reading, nor do you have to actually drink the substance your challenge is for.
We are so excited to do this you guys and hope that you can join us in our boozie book adventure!
What I drank prior: It's Doctor night, I had a bunch of beers. Watched the season finale and cried a lot. Spoiler-free Overview:
How do i begin to explain this series. The Gentleman Bastards are a group of theives who plan elaborate schemes and then get themselves into so serious shit. Their fellow thieves start disappearing, the King Thief is getting scared by this person called the Grey King. He's taken responsibility for the disappeared folk. Locke gets wound up into this mystery and blackmailed into being directly involved. ALSO, we get to see the origin story of the orphan Locke and how he became a Gentleman Bastard by being taken under the wing of a Priest of the Thieves, Father Chains.
I obviously can't go into more Spoiler-free Thoughts:
These books are brilliantly bound. Each has its own plot arc but there's an overarching plot that spans all three books. Its intricate, well planned, well thought out, well developed, and just beautiful. Characters: I really enjoy these characters. Locke, Jean, the Sansa boys, and Bug make an excellent team of thieves. A well-oiled machine set to steal fortunes from the city's nobility. Capa Barsavi is a benevolent but also vicious ruler of the underworld. And the Grey King/Bondsmagi are worthy opponents. They are all well developed characters with unique arcs and growth.
However, notice how there are no women I mentioned? That's because there are no women MCs in the first book. Other problematic shit happens to women in this series which I will vent about in the spoilers. Just know there is problematic content but its not indigestable. In fact, I still love it regardles.. Plot: THe plot builds on itself and is intricate and well written. Locke is one of those #alwaysonestepahead characters and its executed perfectly. They try and continue the scheme while also dealing with a Bondsmage, a magician who can basically make you do anything by knowing your True Name (reminds me of Eragon). Also, the back story is very well done. I was as invested in the past as i was in the "present." Spoilerssssss
Alrighty. So I really loved these books. I loved Calo and Galdo they are my favorite, and I actually cried when they died in book 1. I loved the mystery and the scheming and the Big Bad Bondsmagi. I adored how no matter what, Locke just couldn't get out of trouble lol.
Book 1:
YO! Why are all the women plot devices? The twin girls were the sisters of the Grey King? Had to die. The daughter of Capa Barsavi? Had to die for the revenge arc. This mystery woman Locke is in love with? Doesn't show up. The wife of the noble they're duping? Stupid. All the other women? Hookers. ALL except one. She's the fucking villain. And not even a formidible one.
However, I really did love this book. It took twists that I was not expecting. The Grey King is VICIOUS. Fucking Vicious. I also really loved the Barsavi carpet story. Like, who thinks of that shit? The mystery of it all was so good. It was unpredictable and I loved it.
Book 2:
I really liked the original scheme in this one and I wanted it to work so badly. How cool was it to cheat at that alcohol game with a powder?? Because they knew their opponent was a gluttonous person (also a woman). Also, the guy who poison's them? What an actual dick.
But I like the sailing aspect. The Captain (a woman who lives to see the end of the book thank god) is awesome. The First Mate (a woman who again DOESN'T live to see the end of the book) is a brilliant partner for Jean. Poor Jean. He's usper smart but you've got Locke who's just determined to be a martyr or die for whatever reason. Locke bothered me at the end of this book. Also you have to have a cat and a woman on the boat or its bad luck? Brilliant.
Book 3:
I have so many thoughts on this book. Firstly, I HATE Sabetha. Hate her. With a firey passion of ten thousand suns. What a shit woman. She's #damaged which makes her #untrusting and #cruel. Uh, did she, or did she not, have the same upbrining as Locke? She came from the same place. Sure, she was raised with men/boys, but girl, calm your tits. I also hate the Bondsmagi Patience. I'm supposed to, but I really just want more than one woman I like who lives. Please?
Thirdly, I loved the game in this haha. It was so relevant considering we just had an election that had weird results. The pranks were super cute. The fact tthey could put aside their love for eachother (which is another thing i disliked - but only because it involved Sabetha) both romantically and platonically, and have it out? How neat is that. Also, this mystery that's scaring the Magi? Color me interested.
So.... can anyone tell me when book 4 is coming? I can't find it on the internet? I need it right now. Rating: 4/5 Shots What to pair it with: A great light beer. Like you keep drinking them thinking you're good and then all of a sudden you're hammered and you have no idea why.
COMMENT DOWN BELOW: What did you think of Sabetha? Do you enjoy a heist story when you know the plan or when it surprises you?
Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam
Mask of Shadows by Linsey Miller
I'd like to thank Netgalley for the chance to review this book early in exchange for an honest review.
What I drank prior: I went to my kickball game and played 3 hours of beer pong. No idea the number of beers but I am drunk.
Spoiler free overview:
So this thief kid hears about the competition to be one of four of Our Queen's assassin. Thing about the thief kid (Sal) is that they are gender fluid and a citizen of the nation murdered in the war. Anyway. They join this competition and everything goes from there.
Spoiler free thoughts:
This story is so well done. It's often that I read an assassin story that's all "I don't *want* to be an assassin but I gotta for reason xyz" but this story isn't that. Sal just wants to get out of being a thief and is all about serving Our Queen. I looooved this.
Plot: really though. My only con is that I felt like I could skim a bit of the text while only reading the dialogue. But I find that I catch myself doing that often. That's a Sam thing and not a book thing. The plot was super fast paced and intriguing through the whole bit. LOCED it.
Characters: Sal was so great. They explained the whole gender fluid bit really well. Specifically which pronoun to use when. Sometimes she was she and other times he was he but if you were ever confused it was they. ADDITIONALLY the other characters were fleshed out enough that I created a bond with them and was connected to them. There were so many but I felt the feels necessary. The villain was a goooood villain.
World bulldog (editor's note: woah I was drunk): very well done. Explaining the Shadows and what led to the destruction of Sal's people.
This book comes out on September 5th. You can get it here.
What to pair it with: a great craft beer
Rating: 5/5 shots for fucking sure.
COMMENT DOWN BELOW: What are some recommendations you have of books with gender fluid characters?
What I drank prior: 8 beers? Idk I lost count its Doctor night and there were a bunch of sonic screwdrivers.
Spoiler-free Overview: Okay, so this takes place in the woods somewhere in the middle of nowhere where there's a lot of Big Foot lore. There's a group of researchers and their mission is to find Big Foot. Next POV is an actual Big Foot. I know... hang on a second. Big Foot kid sees some crazy shit and his Alpha ends up getting bit by some crazy blood-lusting human. See where I'm going here? Alpha starts turning into a Zombie... scares the shot out of the pack. Things go from there, basically humans and Big Feet(?) have to work together to not get Zombie-fied and shit goes down.
Spoiler-free Thoughts: Let me start by saying I'm not a huge zombie fan but this book was hysterical. Very clearly satire and it was...interesting.
Characters: The main characters were pretty good and well developed. There are multiple POVs to include randomly selected and introduced zombie fodder.
Plot: I think it was pretty predictable but it was meant to be.
Anyway, I found it to be a quick read with some point where I am literally LOLing. Eye rolling will be inevitable, and ya know. Zombie and Sasquatch... what could be better?
Rating: 3/5 Shots. But only if you can see how it was meant to be read. Otherwise ya know...
What to pair it with: beer. The only thing you can THINK to drink while sitting around a camp fire listening to a Sasquatch-goes-zombie story.
The Vanishing Season by Jodi Lynn Anderson What I drank prior: A whole bottle of wine plus more with no dinner... so we know how that goes....
Spoiler free overview:
So there's this chick who moved to a new town, made a couple friends, falls in love with the wrong dude, there's a serial killer goin around, blah blah blah. There's a weird ghost chick that starts each chapter, we're tryna figure out what that is. THe new girl makes friends with her neighbors, one's rich, the other is in love with the rich one. Basically the story of one summer in this small town up against one of the Great Lakes.
Spoiler free thoughts:
So, ok... I read this for book club and i REALLY wanted to like it. based on the synopsis it was right up my alley.... apparently not. It could have been great. Ther ewere so many loose ends and like.... i just... WANTED more from this.
Characters: They were fine i guess, just not super great. we're just supposed to take the weird neighbor that builds saunas for his not-gf and the not-gf just assuming that they're best friends forever and BLAH. I mean, the characters had so much potential for dpeth, and the author tried, but it just didn't pan out.
Plot: BLAHHHHHHHH. Why? I kept starting each chapter and was like... this is the one. This is the chapter something happens. It wasn't.
Writing Style: BLAHHHHHH. I have no comment here. If anything, the writing style was the strongest part of this book.
No spoilers this time because... ugh....
What to pair it with: Bud light. cause its basically blah
Rating: I think this is my first 1/5 shots this year... i wanted to like it but i really really didnt...
Well, it's a happy doctor night (meaning we're watching Supernatural, finishign season 2, starting season 3) and we're celebrating my last day on the job so we're drinking plenty of champagne and eating Chinese food. Pretty much an ideal night.
Spoiler Free Review: This book is about a woman named Joy. The world she's in has been struck by a disease that slowly eats away at peoples minds, erasing their memories and then killing them. Joy has become part of a test to see why people are immune and if they can help make a vaccine for the illness. This hospital is a dark place and everything kind of sucks. Also there's a plot point that Joy was abandoned as a child and has finally been given enough information to find her mother. Part two of the book is Joy out of the hospital and trying to find her mohter, which means traveling across the United States. In all honesty this book lacks a lot. Joy is a mostly uninteresting characters. At the point wehre an interesting character is added to the hospital, literally nothing is done with taht person. The traveling across teh U.S. was also pretty much not memorable (I'm amused that his is a book about not being able to remember anything and I'm here not remembering much about this plot only a week or so after having read this... Which means I'm focusing on broad points. If this makes you want to read the book more power to you.). In traveling across the US she runs into a friend from when she was younger, probably the most interesting part of the book, who wears a mask most of the time to cover a scarred face. This book would have been better if more happened in the hospital or if the entire book was the traveling across the US but the abrupt change in the middle wasn't really beneficial. There was also a section with some rando's that they ran into where the book became a bit of magical realism which actually had me really intrigued.
Spoiler-y Review:
Not sure how much I have to put here considering that this book didn't really have much happen. Again the elements at the hospital were mostly uninteresting. At some point, Joy learns that the 'nurses' are just normal people who are playing a role and getting to survive because of it, and that the doctor's main plan is making people believe they can survive. A very "mind over matter" plot line.
The bigger spoilers happen after Joy escapes the hospital becuase her favorite other patients have all died. She and Marcus, the childhood friend are traveling all around and run into a scientist and his girlfrienf with wings have a house that has everything they need. This section really just seemed like filler, but the magical realism was intriguing, however I personally feel that the author should have dug into this if that's what she wanted. As it was, it was mostly a disappointing side-quest. Additionally the book ends right before Joy finds her mother, and I didn't care!!!!! If I don't care that I didn't see a pivotal scene between the main character and the family, that means the book ultimately failed in making me care about any of the characters.
Rating: This book earns a shot and a half out of five. The characters were lacking personality. The author seemed to have trouble to actually commit to various plot points and I was disappointed that such an interesting premise ended up being such a lackluster book. There would have been a number of interesting ways to focus on this book: what is the world like as people are losing their minds, what are the people who continue on in the midst of such chaos like, and how do people carry on afterwards. The main character didn't do a great job of showing anything interesting about the world.
What to Drink: Drink a Natty Light. It's not particularly pleasant, wont' really get you drunk but it's cheap and accessible.
So, to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure this is going to fit in our normal review format. I'm pretty sure that anyone who has clicked on this particular post is already going to be a fan of Hamilton, so there's no point in hiding spoilers (and to be fair, any spoilers are technically more than 200 years old so I think we're past the point where we need to "hide" the more titilating moments.
This book takes all of the songs, adds Lin Manuel Miranda's footnoetes (which are amazing if you care about rap, hip-hop, fun facts or joy), as well as sections taht explain how the show was written. Obviously, the songs are what you would expect (I cried while reading some of them, the same way I do when I listen to them...), the footnotes give you a small insight into Lin Mauel Miranda's writing process which was phenomenal. He covers everything from his musical inspirations to the original lyrics, to just general fun facts.
The more memorable parts were actually the section before each song. The sections focus more on how the show was made: the process of writing the songs, finding the right actors, adjusting sections to make them more powerful, figuring out the choreography. Basically the sections focus on the magic of storytelling on stage.
This is the point where I fully admit that I have listened to the soundtrack more times than I can count, and that Sam and I occasionally text each other segments of songs to keep each other interested at work. This is a book that should only be picked up by people who are in love with the show, or are interested in the process of getting a show on Broadway.
It doesn't change the fact that learning about cast dynamics and how the techies worked together was endlessly fascinating (again, I must admit I did theater when I was younger so yet again this hit every happy bone in my body), but there were also sections that were a little bit heartbreaking (of course, at the end of the book, surrounded by songs about losing children and having trouble with dealing with teh life after that). I cried so many actual tears.
This book is 4 out of 5 shots, mostly becuase while I unabashedly love this, it doesn't change the fact that this is definitely a book meant for people who already love Hamilton, (and I can't believe that I forgot to mention the pictures. They were AMAZING. For anyone who can't imagine the show and want a very basic framework for what it looks like, holy shit get this book.).
To read this book, go for a Sam Adams. Because it's literally referenced in the show, also Sam Adams is a founding father so BAM.
What I drank: WHY
YOU ASKIN ALL THESE QUESETIONS. WHAT DIDN’T I DRINK? WHATCHU BEEN DRINKIN
EH?!?!???
SPOILER FREE ZONE
Let me tell you.
About the one and true goddess. About the fire and the sword, dat ass and dat
Mohawk. About the heart and the soul. Good people I’m here to tell you about
Kitai today *choir hums*. Shidddd I just typed her name and got a body chill.
So. So. Sosososo bae.
anyway Codex Alera is an epic fantasy series about a quintessential
frontier farming family thrust into the maw of war and destruction. Count Bernard,
his sister, her nephew, Tavi (da GOAT) have to battle the natural spirits that
abound adjacent to them at the edge of
the wilderness. They encounter “barbarians” of all type:
the marat—pretty human but real closely spiritually linked
to certain animal groups, horses, (these giant ass wombats called) gargants,
and wolves.
Icemen – sound it out, that’s what they are.
The canim—an incredibly complicated race of dogpeople who
hate regular humans, aka “demons.” More on ‘em later…
The series features and capitalizes on your typical
political strife, but it’s complicated by their “crafting”. No, theyre not making
belts and fuggin wallets; by “crafting” they are harnessing natural elements
such as earth, wind, fire and water to (IAMCAPTAINPLANET) make their lives
easier and to make war. These wilde spirits or “furies” create the name of this
series and every non-barbarian not named Tavi has them (except for Kitai. I
haven’t forgotten her, I just teared up when I brought her up the first time.
And again now that I mention her. Meet me in the spoliers. Sweatergawd). His
aunt and uncle, his classmates, and errybody’s lovers, bastards, and slaves are
potential players in the complex game of chess that arises. When an alien foe
forces the disparate characters to untie, hilarity and beautifully explicit
warfare ensue.
So I’m only allowed to talk about the first novel in this
series since this post is ostensibly is about the series entirely. Suffice to say that this is a great first
edition in a six-nivel series that kept me engaged, interested, and guessing
what happened next. Page after page, book after book, I wanted to know how
these mofuckers were gonna use these furies to defeat the mofucking Huns on
some Mulan shit. Trust when I say: Tavi and crew GOT DOWN TO BIZNESS.
SPOILERS FOR THE REST
OF THE GODDAM SERIES:
I read all six of these books In like 3 weeks. I couldn’t
stop. Between the incredible but always believeable progression of the
characters’ development and the fucking manic progression of these massive
battles, I didn’t notice the pages flying by, and at each back cover I reached
eagerly for the next. Young Tavi is a G. I “knew” cuz Sam Kept asking me, “hows
tavi, hws tavi” and I was like “HEY SHUTUP” and she was all “ok no spoilers boo
but the marat are lit”. I was all like
hey. I’m writing a post, STFU!. So. Um. Yeah. As the First Lord (old ass
Obama) sees his power and influence fade, his political enemies and other fuckers attack
that vacuum UNTIL HE GODDAM FIRES A VOLCANO OFF ON THEM!
That inst me being drunk and exaggerating bc that’s not a
thing I do ever, nuh uh. It’s a real example of thekind of power these people
can bring to bear on their enemies.
That shit was cute until ppl realize that the vord are a
fucking problem. They are a parasite that turn niggas into to superhuman zombies.
They reproduce mad quickly and make a zombie out of anyone they capture.
Replete with mutated spiders and giant rhino fucking elephant murder machines
with scythes for hands, they are a P.R.O.B.L.E.M. It sucks and it’s scary but, spoilers, the
canim come through clutch (despite hating humans for centuries) because of
Tavi’s brilliance and the good guys win.
HOWEVER COMMA THE
TAVI-KITAI TEAM IS THE SQUAD.
(They are relationship goals to the max, and regardless of
whether tavi is breaking into the world’s most secure places or fighting a
legion of zombie-used-to-be-people-actualy-probably-alien warriors or freeing
slaves and breaking barriers, she remains bae. She’s flirty and brilliant and a
daring and a tactician and good with knives and I’m wet and she’s strong and.
Maybe she’s unnatainable.
Do I care?
OBVI NOT. Do I imagine her with a permanent snapchat doe
filter? Yes).
I flip-flopped in the final battle between being hella
impressed and amused at how much it felt like a Dragon Ball Z episode. People
are flying about willy nilly and throwing fuggin balls of fire at each other
around amountain and in a hurricane and it’s madness. Kitai and Tavi’s
connection make them an unstoppable tandem of feels and brawn and my Gaws do
you catch yourself rooting hard for them in their battle for the fate of
mankind.
Regardless of the satisfactorability (yeah I said it) of
that final battle, what doesn’t change is how I feel about these few characters
that survive annaihalation and their relationships. Effective, affective stuff
throughout
Writing style:
Each novel progeresses in a similar manner; though it’s
predictable, I never tire of it. The climax of each is within 90 or so pages of
the novel and the momentum that is created beforehand is inexorable. Within
each of these novels I found myself furiously page-turning, readyyy for how
this problem might be solved and how.
These characters similarly evolve, sometimes satisfactorily,
sometimes not; all I know is the style of these novels is what kept me coming
back. They had a rhythm and a relentlessness that I hadn’t seen before and I
want to find again, badly.
Rating: 4.69
shots of everclear, just cause you’re gonna be blown away and might be a vord-zombie by the end
Pairing: your surprise favorite drink. For me it’s a
“Sweet Baby Jesus” peanutbutter stout because I
didn’t wanna like it but found myself missing it because the new beerz I
tried after it aint have no girth, no body, and because I imagine it’s what
Kitai tastes like. Sue me.
Stalking Jack the Ripper by Kerri Maniscalco What I drank prior: at least 8 beers and a half bottle of wine. you think i'm lyin? it happened. Spoiler-free Overview:
Hokay, so. Obviously this is about Jack the Ripper. He's a scary dude. This YA retelling is about the girl that tries to take him down. She's a girl, in 19th centruy england, trying to learn how to be a medical examiner and do autopsies. SHe's all like, teach me bruh. Her uncle's like.... K. Dad doesn't like it. Mysteries happen, she tries to fix it.
Spoiler-free thoughts:
You guys, i wanna like this book. Stalking Jack the Ripper sounds super duper fun. But its basically a mystery that you can predict from the beginning.
Characters: Okay, fine. I LOVED the characters. Like legit, all of them are wonderful. Kerri does a great job developing characters that I fell deeply in love with. and it makes me really really embarrased that i did.
Plot: Look. THe plot was super predictable. It just was. I was talkin with parker about it and i knew before the 50% mark who Jack was. sorrrryyyyyyyyy
Writing Style: I liked that they had photos of various points in the story. They helped me figure out what was going on. ALSO, her wtriting style was good enough for me to fall in love with the characters. So. Yeah.
I HAVE NO SPOILER THOUGHTS BECAUSE IT WAS PREDICTABLE
What to pair it with: Miller lite. Its fine. Like, it will do the job, it will get you drunk, but its not great.
What I drank prior: so it's a Doctor night and the first one in several weeks so I've had at least 7 beers if not more. Probably more like 8. Not the drunkest I've ever been but it's enough to write.
Spoiler-free Overview: Okay so I like to say this is Hogwarts but for assassins. Let me start by saying this is def an adult book. Like within the first 10 pages there's graphic sex. There's this chick, don't wanna tell you her name because it's a super cool mystery, and she wants to be an assassin to revenge her family after they were brutally murdered. The dad was murdered cause he was tryna rebel against an oppresive government. So she goes to this school to be taught shit about killin other folk. Mysteries evolve. Adventures happen. etc etc.
Spoiler-free thoughts:
This book is the fantasy I've been waiting for. And the sex scenes. I read each at least twice. O' snicker as much as you want.
Plot: Okay, so the plot was awesome. It dragged a bit in the middle. I was so enthralled in the mystery that the education bit was boring. But DAMN it was good. I started by tweeting that I wanted a fucking shadow cat that followed me around and taught me things. Jay was like "Are you sure?" I'm like DUH! but that then made me super skeptical. (YES JAY MOTHERFUCKING KRISTOFF REPLIED TO ME. This is not a drill) But the plot twist was not a joke. I was legitimately surprised. And with all the fantasy I read, that's hard to do. I cannot wait to find out what happens to chick.
Writing Style: This book was gorgeous. Legitimately gorgeous. The first 11 pages of this book are mirrored. Like the events that happen in the present are mirrored in what happens in th past and it's beautiful. I was immediately immersed in the stroy but ONLY because of the writing. It was beatuiful. He describes things so uniquely that it's never hard to even imagine what's going on.
Characters: Alright. I L-O-V-E-D the characters. They were so well thought out and brilliant. Even the ones that didn't matter I cared about. And the ones that DID matter, holy fuck, i needed them to be ok. Legit. Needed.
Also, minor side note: Jay legit understands what its like to go through quitting smoking. Not like I've tried and failed that before......
World Building: I know this isn't part of our usual style but I felt the need to put it in here. Jay decides that he wants to build his world through footnotes. When the narrator brings up something out of context, the author puts in these footnotes that are both hysterical and beautiful at the same time. I felt like I was learning so much more about the world through the footnotes. It helps with the "telling" v. "showing" conflict that authors have. Jay "tells" in the most interesting way.
Side note: the footnotes are also hysterical. the end.
Spoiler thoughts:
I WANT A MOTHERFUCKING SHADOW CAT. I really legitimately didn't see the plot twist with the sister coming. And for all the god damn fantasy I read I should have seen it but I didnt. Well done.
Also, I was SO MAD when Tric died. I mean, he was kinda useless despite the SUPER SMOKIN HOT SEX SCENES, but I loved him all the same.
Also, REALLY wanted the leader of the fuggin cult, Cassius (?) maybe? I'm drunk, I wanted him to live. I wanted him to teach her what she was so that she could be even more fuggin badass.
Also, I think the blood teleports were really terrifying. The healer girl who was the sister of blood-teleporter-dude was also motherfucking terifying.
Rating: 5/5 Shots DUH. I want literally every adult to read this book.
What to pair it with: A cigarette (obviously) and your favorite beer. Not just your favorite beer but whatever you WANT from your favorite beer. THAT BEER is the one you need to drink with this book.
What I drank: infinite bud lights out of a tardis cup and a lot of blood.
So when Sam told me that she found the fantasy novel that she, “had been waiting for”, I obvi had to read it and boy, was she right as hell. Nevernight by Jay Kristoff is smart and action packed and hot and muhfuggin magical.
Spoiler free overview:
Our lil protagonista is a BAWSE. Some traumatic events from her childhood have given her the fuel she needs to do just about anything. Anything, in this case, involves training to be a part of a super secret religious sect . this sect is normal. Her initiation was to bring the teeth of a man she killed to this sacred temple in the desert as a tithe. Casual. Yanno, they hide from the three suns which are always visisble, (such explains the title, no?) and, wait for it, they are fucking assassin ninjas. Who do, like magic (Ok so they don’t “DO” magic, but they employ some like blood magicians. And these people can heal any wound of the flesh and have a blood toilet-instant transport-thingamabob in the basement that I fully recommend 11/10 must try.)If you’re thinking, “wow, that sounds like howgarts kinda!” you right, except this school is way more stabby and all the professors are Snapes (rip), and there’s a class on blowjobs.
Even among such interesting characters, our lil lady stands out. Over and over, people tell her, that she “doesn’t belong” for a bunch of reasons, including that she can like control the night and shadows like an extenson of her own hand. Whatever. Nbd. Regardless this novels iteration of the young bae’s coming of age is exquisite. She lives, she learns, she cums and the plot remains impossible to forecast regardless. WILL our heroine avenge the treatment of her family by the corrupt state monarch? Will she find time to love her fellow orphan and smouldering look-giver, Tric, in an environment that is designed to sharpen her to a blade? Is she a squirter?
Read and find out, idjit.
Writing Style: Kristoff’s universe is well planned and thoughtgul. This isn’t really a surprise, considering how I felt about his series with aMie Kaufmann. However he does tremendous work with the physical page in order to sufficiently draw us in. what does he use? FEREEKING FOOTNOTES. They range VASTLY in size, importance anf frequency, and heyre like lil annotations for the entirety of the novel.
Also important to me was the pace of this novel. it didn’t have a traditional plot structure. Instead we really built up and up and up throughout the bulk of the work. By the time I was ¾ of the way through I was reading by intertia. I plummeted toward the conclusion of the novel at terminal velocity and the splash at my impact was quite the satisfying collision
Spoilahhz:
So we eventually learn that this lil bih’s name is Mia Corvere, though it’s important at the novel’s outset that at we don’t know this. I haven’t been this awkwardly aroused by a novel since the freaking Kama Sutra at 11. Our lil champion and her boytoy jont eventually get it on and HOOLLEEEEEEEEYYY SHIT. Kristoff wrote the shit our of that. Like I took notes and took them home and applied them to my real-life sex life and partners nodded in appreciation. SHE SHOWED HIM WHAT THAT MOUF DOOOOOO
There’s a meeeean twist in the plot that I reeealy didn’t see coming, and though I’m sorry for Tric, and his plummet to the jagged rocks below, I agree with sam when I’m glad that he’s out of Mia’s way as she tries to become the most deadly version of herself. I’m suuuper stoked to read the seqels and tryin to find out what happpennnssss I care about this lil bih!!!!
What it rates: bruh like 5/5 Margaritas on rocks w/salt read on the beach under the sun’s unending rays. Know that you may burn but that the heat your skin makes will light your boo’s skin up like a lantern later that night. Take a sexond gulp and read that second chapter.
What to pair it with: a red red, blood red wine in a glass deep enough to step into
Alright guys, I'm pretty fired up about this first debate so please for the love of god, don't hate me. I'm in a mood.
What I drank prior: A bottle of wine plus 1/3 of a yummy craft beer and one miller lite. Yes. Drunk. Yes. Pissed because demon-spawn. Deal with it.
Spoiler-free overview:
Okay, so there're like, two princesses. One's supposed to marry god-king Susebron, the other is a fre spirited kid. For some stupid reason her dad is all "free-spirited's gotta marry the god-king to prevent war." seems stupid but yeah. free spirited girl's named Siri, other sis is named Vivenna. Siri's all like, why does dad hate me? gotta produce an heir for god-king. Vivenna's all like, gotta save Siri. V goes to find the spies of her kingdom to be able to find the best way to save the sis. She finds these mercenaries who are pretty hysterical. S on the other hand is tryna get to know her new man. Turns out, he's not what people think. Adventures happen. It's a thing.
Spoiler-free thoughts:
This book is like a breathe of fresh air. I loved it so much. Just such a pleasure to read.
Plot: So look. I can't decide if this book was plot driven or character driven. It was so well balanced that i couldnt' handle it. The plot had a twist that i didn't see coming, which is hard to do cause I'm like.... a master fantasy reader. But like, i loved it. Also, if you love the cosmere, the written language is the same as Stormlight. k.
Characters: I was so appreciative of Sanderson and his care of his female characters. In Mistborn, the female characters were only strong because they were more masculine. In Warbreaker, the female characters were strong because they were strong. I lvoed it. I also super loved the mercenaries and even the villain.
Writing Style: It's His Holiness Sanderson. 'nuff said.
World Building: At times i was a little confused about the world but by the end i was like, this is legit.
SPOILERS:
Yo, so, the plot twist with the mercenaries was legit. There wasnt' enough evidence to hate them. Literally, we were seeing through the naive eyes of the narrator which i thought was brilliant. Also, I LOVED THE FUCKIGN SWORD. Why? no idea. but the sword was so damn genuine i couldnt help but love it.
Also, Denth had the hair?! da fuck was that about? does that mean he was like the greatest grandpa ever? Loved. It.
Lastly, super cool that Vasher was like... THE guy. I knew he was important but not why. Loved that.
Rating: 5/5 shots. This book was just such a pleasure to read. I am so pleased to have read it.
What to pair it with: literally anything that's your fave. beer probs. i feel best about fantasy and beer.
Ok so a couple of months ago my girl and fellow goddam nerd Sam wrote a review of the Kingkiller Chronicles and I in no way want to distractfrom her thoughts about the the two novels that Patrick Rothfuss has released thus far. HOWEVER, >_> <_< , I have my own. FIGHT ME SAM!!
Spoiler free overview:so this section of the review has to be called the "spoiler free" section, bc the second section pertains particulary to the second novel and therefore offers spoilers and i FUCKING HATE THAT so, ahem. yeah.
Sam and I agree: I have no idea how the shit to say this dude's name. It's spelled Kvothe, but pronounced "Quothey"? regardless, my mans is a washed up hack when we meet him. his hole in the wall, backwoods, 2 bedroom-1 bath inn is "busy" in the sense that a grocery store bathroom is busy. people use it but only when they, like, gotta i guess. his companion Bast is FULL of mysteries, and this bro he comes across, the Chronicler, has a reputation that precedes him. what's more, he suspects that Kvothe has more in him than the capacity to baste a mutton chop and pour a shitty brandy for the literal sheep-fucking locals. in fact, Kvothefonzwhatever has a an incredibly full and vibrant history. i mean the "KingKiller" series is ostensibly named after him and when we meet him, he's polishing bottles of rum. so. yeah. something the fuck is going on here.
The Name of the Wind is a clever framed narrative wherein Kvothe tells his story to this Chronicler as Bast watches on. we meet his family and watch (as sam eloquently describes in her review, from which i will not pilfer) as he and they get their shit fucked up by some like demon people called the Chandrian. it's wild. Kvothe's recovery involves extreme poverty and an incredible, irreverent, and recurring brilliance that carries him towards his life's goals and beyond them.
Spoiler-free thoughts:
Ok so. I rarely read a book in which very little seems to actually happen. upon reflection, this is an inaccurate assessment of this novel, however, considering that our protagonist is an "old" man sitting at a table throughout it's entirety (save one badass spider-demon slaying thunderstormy scene) I find myself finishing Name of le wind really interested in what Kvothe manages in the second novel. Characters: the strength of this novel and the series as a whole is the awesome supple brilliance of these dymanic characters. they grow, man. they surprise, they are evocative, they remind me of myself way to often for me to not personally hear the rebukes they receive. When Kvothe struggles to figure out if a girl likes him, i catch myself saying "SAME, BRO" aloud on the metro, when he's a trifle too confident and errs on the side of conceited, i feel my own cheeks (theoretically) turn red at the rebuke Writing style: ingestible af.. at times overwrought but not so heavy handedly so that i want to put it down. just a lot of adjectives and advebs in the typical fantasy style. (In this he is MUCH improved in the second novel, btw. Vastly.) He sneaks ciritcal pieces of info in any seemingly trivial passage so watch out for easter eggs as you read, they are def there. Rothfuss' similes are quite evocative, as are his feel for the end of a paragraph or chapter. Spoilers aka I hate this aka the second (read: better) novel
So the scond novel is Kote (Ovothe's) second day telling his story to chronicler, and here's where i think he starts lying.
there's a whole school of thought that asks whether you trust your narrator; interestingly, i trust Qvothe (Kote) but I think he's embellishing some parts. NOW does that make him less impresssive? not necessarily. does that make him more compelling a read? absolutely. the function of his lies does not, to me, diminish their effectiveness. lets talk about examples.
APPARENTLY, according to lore, deep in the forst lives a fairy, who is so beaurtiful that any man who sees her is smitten and goes to her. she subsequently fucks him to death (sign me up.) well. um. Qvothe finds her."DECIDES" to go to her, deposits some dick and eventually tricks her into letting him go. like fam. we all have lied on our stick before, but you are saying you were a combo of so clever and so competent that you were the first dude in the history of the world to escape this literal sex demon???? SHE DOES THIS FOR A LIVING
perhaps.
perhaps.
he has other interesting and somewhat more believable feats such as killing 20 marauders on his own by calling lightning down from the sky, being the youngest student to basically do anything ever at his wizarding university, and being basically the 2nd best lutenist of all time.
he does learn this pretty cool thai chi/kung fu thing whole he's on his adventures and surrounded by this aweome AWESOME culture of people, and i believe that part. he's a cunning linguist and driven to be awesome at everthing, so that bit fits the narrative.
(End of Spoilers)
i'll give some credit to Rothfuss. he creates some in depth and awesome languages in these novels. and that's why i find myself unbothered when considering the reliability of the narrator. there are so many moments where we get some truly gorgeous prose, whole paragraphs are compelling and painful and gruesome and infuriating. Rothfuss evokes all these in me while telling a what is really a pretty cool story. Ultimately,because of the events outside Kvothe's lil framed narrative, i think we're gonna find out whether he's full of shit or really, truly, about that action. Though i suppose I'll resign myslef to wait until the third novel is released to get that answer.
What it rates: NoTW: 3.75/5 guinesses; TWMF: 4.9/5 Bell's Two Hearted Ales (bc favoite beer and this second novel warrants such praise)
What to pair it with: well how long do you have to read? are you a "finish this work in a weekend reader? if so, a light american POS millerlite might be the move just because of the sheer volume the series will occupy, even just two books in.
a note: I'm gonna try to write substatnively about this piece of art but it was incredible and my puny human emotions are inusfficient a a set of watercolors with which to paint it. what i drank: I had a half-doxen pints of miller lite and three and a half glasses of white wine and half dozen shots of boodles gin (out of a Duke shotglass that I hate because fuck Dook, amirite?!?!?)
EDITORS' NOTE: Hi, it's Sam. The next morning. Last night he was the drunkest I'd seen him in a while. This review is NOT edited for spelling/grammar only to ensure the book and the author's name are spelled correctly and capitalized. Ms. Gyasi deserves that. And I'm dying reading this. WRITERS'S RESPONSE: Dammit, Sam, let me live. spoiler free plot
fuck.
a week after reading "Homegoing" it's hard not to cry thinking about it. i didn't cry reading it, though i put it down four separate times to walk away and.. i dunno put my life back together.
Yaa Gyasi's novel is beautiful. it is heartbreaking and beautiful and a fantastic accomplishment in poesy and story writing.
in the novel she traces an 18th centrury west african family' split at the hands and "benefaction" of british slavers through history and across the atlantic. as two distinct familial lines emerge, society and happenstance come to bear on their luck and, again, fuck.
this brilliant artist manages to remind to remind me of the struggles i encoutner today in America without even adressing them directly. by painting a viscerally accurate panorama of the children of the diaspora she draws me and my family. again, it was incredible
characters
"Homegoing" stars dozends of protagonists who each encounter a complex stet of interal and external conflicts. whether in a Village in Ghana or Harlem or Arkansas or Palo Alto, CA, the progeny of Gyasi's first chapters all evolve, though not over the page widths that novel readers traditionally expect. these men and women succeed and fail, are raped and conquer kingdoms, attend prestigious universites and mainline heroin instead of feeding themelves and their children.
as i read it, the real protagonist of this novel are the children of the forced diaspora. we hardly spendmore of a chapter with any one generation (let alone character!) and yet Gyasi writes well enough that i feel great grandparents' wrath and blessing as if it were the childhood memory of the twenty-somethings whose vignettes end the novel. time manages to function as a vehicle and object of the grand themes that weave this novel together. again, FUCK.
writing style
Gyasi is versatile at times i feel an almost hemingway-like syntax. this terse she can break hearts. she slips in history. she builds context and tension until both swell like infected limbs and when the flies land they quiver with breathless verve. as each family/generation's story unfolds, she create an imperative tone that fills the senses. i had an interesting conversation about the plot arc ofthis novel. i think it ascends continuously to the end of the novel, instead of posessign the traditional rising action-climax-falling action setup, but please disagree with me about this.
this book reminds me of my family and what millions of families like mine have gone through. that sentence reads as sloppy or lazy at first, but do not mistake me; it does not remind me of individuals; rather, it recalls in me a generational memory. Gyasi's prose evokes anger in me, but not my own. it engenders a watchful and sullen observation ofthose whose lineage managed to avoid so many of these lashes and billy-clubbings. idk. the hour it took me to trapse through this reveiw was a teary one. that emotion was largely sadness, though anger plated a role, and somewhere, buried like a fleck of gold in a jet black stone was hope, was a desparate sense that home is there to be found if we can fight our fear of drowning.
rating: 5/5 plugs of 96% pure corn liquor for the 5/5 hours spent staring at the drywall, comparing this novel's life to the history of your actual blood family who was enslaved in the south and succeeded and failed at navigating a series of systems designed to profit off its labor, struggle, its despair and death.
paring:
a red with body. or a wit insofar as that's a good summer beer and as a novel of various passions and compasions, "Homegoing" is a good summer novel.
fuck. brb. weepy again.
parker
So we had a drinking night. We all got hammered. We all read these books. So we wrote about them together. And shots. Shots happened, right?
Sam received an advanced unfinished copy of Gemina at the 2016 BookCon which all three of us read (see the proof, I met them, they are awesome). We will definitely be picking up the finished version because it was awesome and some of the art is unfinished. These reviews are unsolicited and honest opinions.
Virginia
Sam
Parker
Happy Dr. Who Drinking game. Hanging out with Parker and Sam tonight while watching Matt Smith
become Peter Capaldi. This means we start with beer and then there’s some win, and before writing we
deicded to do a shot (why does anyone let me mix my own drinks. It was triple sec, cranberry juice,
tequila and lime – tasted bad, then kind of like a jolly racher, and then not so good again.)
Spoiler Free Overview: I’m going to be honest. It’s been a while since I read the books and I like the
way Sam does summaries better than the way I do summaries so I’m going to keep this short and not so
sweet. In Illuminae a mining camp is attacked and there’s massive damage and a ton of character
deaths and it’s super chaotic. A number of the people escape on to one of three ships and head to a
major military outpost. However, shortly during the trips the AI blows up one of the ships and shit starts
going down. I’m not sure what else I can say without getting into spoilers, so…
Gemina started a few months after Illuminae and it focuses on the outpost that the miners in the first
book were trying to get to. There’s a huge corporation that doesn’t want information to get out and
they decide to invade this spacestation but didn’t expect the drug ring on the station to be breeding
horrifying monsters that could be used for SPACE DRUGS! Yet again shit goes down.
My Spoiler Free Take: These books play around with format like crazy. There are awesome
illustrations, and pictures and the writing skips between diary entries and chat logs and military reports.
Every few pages the look of the book changes. That makes this a quikc read because you’re mind
doesn’t really get complacent. Additionally the characters in both Illuminae and Gemina were incredibly
well thought out. I always appreciate books that have badass ladies and this series has them in spades.
Though I have gotten to the point where whenever the protagonists are 16 year olds running around
kicking ass I start to feel really old and wonder who the fuck lets these kids deal with this stuff. I mean
really.
That being said, these books show the emotional toll that comes with dealing with crazy shit. Each book
focuses on two main characters and in the first book Kady (I think? Like I said, it’s been a while and even
if the books are sitting right next to me, I’m being lazy) is dealing with a crazy situation and an AI and it’s
clear that she is using humor to cope and even more clear that she’s hanging on by a thread. In the
second book both Hanna and Nik deal with deaths of people close to them and it’s clear that it doesn’t
just disappear.
I’ve been told we have talking points so I’m going to cover those a little more here, at least the ones I
haven’t covered and actually feel like covering. The AI in the Illuminae is named Aidan. I’m not sure if it
was ever written that Aidan was masculine or feminine, but for some reason I never gave it a particular
voice. When I read I don’t get a perfect picture of characters in my head, and Aidan was never given a
gender in my mind so it ended up with an androgenous voice. Though I did end up thinking about HAL
from 2001 a Space Oddessy on regular basis. (I was going to look up the famous line but god did I hate
that movie).
Also Sam’s review mentions a section where I got so upset that I got up, crying, left the room I was in, to
go yell at her for making read this book when such a horrible thing happened. I explain what happened
in the spoiler section. Because holy feels Batman.
SPOILERS!!!!
Illuminae: Surprise SPACE ZOMBIES! Seriously. There was a virus and it totally
decimated a shit-ton of people. I mean, everyone seriously kicked ass and Aidan, while
being a crazy AI who was trying to kill basically everyone that mattered to me in that
universe, was still a little sympathetic. Like, yeah he’s trying to kill everyone, but it’s to
save all other life in the universe. And Kady, holy shit Kady. When she thinks that Ezra
is dead she takes off the kid gloves, and the fact that what she was doing before were
the kid gloves? She was fucking brutal. The end of the book was absolutely beautiful.
She recognized the creepy but well-meaning Aidan was sentient and didn’t want him to
die. She almost died due to radiation and frankly only survived due to a lot of hard work
but even more luck. And her finding out that Ezra wasn’t dead was beautiful. If you’ve
read Sam’s review about how I was crying it’s when we found out that Ezra had died. I
was no okay with that. I was so invested in him and how he and Kady interacted… But
we find out he’s okay and due to space magic medical shit, she survives a nuclear
reaction (uhhhhhh, sure).
Then we get to GEMINA: THE CHARACTERS FROM ILLUMINAE ACTUALLY SHOW
UP HERE VERY SHORTLY AND IT MADE ME REALLY HAPPY. Also, holy shit do I
love a multi-verse. At some point Nik dies and boy is Hanna crushed, though she’s still
fighting to stay alive. And she’s in communication with the ship from Illuminae who is
acting super confused because it turns out they’re talking to both Nik and Hanna both of
whom say the other person is dead! Ugh, my heart burst of happiness. But yet again
we have two heroes who have a history that explains why they can do all this crazy
stuff. It’s great! This book didn’t pack quite as big of a punch as Illuminae and I can’t
quite tell you why. As far as it goes I think it was mostly that, while the back and forth
between Nik and Hann was charming I still have a problem with a relationship where it’s
so one-sided for so long, especially when the one party is pursuing the other party even
after push back… and maybe I was reading into that too much, or not enough. I can’t
quite tell you. But the horrifying creatures had to grow in cows and they burst through
the cows and sounded pretty much invincible. Add that into a war zone wehre all the
civilians are being held after the celebration of holiday where the captain was killed in
front of them. It was just pretty fucking dramatic.
Illuminae earned 5 out of 5 shots, because with the format and the plot, the tension was
high the entire time.
Gemina earned 4 out of 5 shots, because while the format was still amazing (and I was
reading an ARC copy so not all of the artwork was there) and the story was still fantastic
(look under the cut for my love of the plot-twist) but I wasn’t quite as connected to the
characters here as I was the first one. Still, a solid book.
This book is like Everclear because you kind of know what you’re getting into but it’s still
gonna fuck you up.
What we drank prior to the review:
It was Doctor Who Drinking Game night… so I’ve lost count…. But I promise I’m drunk.
Brief spoiler-free overview of the book
So basically you start the book with two POVs, Kady and Ezra. They just broke up. I know, dramatic right??? But hey, the day they break up their planet basically blows up. They both escape but end up on different space ships running away from the scary ship (the Lincoln) chasing after them. Stuff happens, she becomes a scary hacker girl, he becomes a military pilot punk. Also, in the attack the ship Alexander’s Artificial Intelligence called AIDAN broke and it goes all 2001: A Space Odyssey and there’s a scary virus going around too. There’s just so much happening. It’s hard to keep it straight in my brain right now.
Personal spoiler-free thoughts on the book:
You guys… So I’m not watching Pokemon this time (I know… tragedy… Blame Virginia) but these books are so so good. The format itself is so unique. It’s basically a series of video transcriptions, chat logs, emails, situation reports, and the inner thoughts of this crazy unreliable AI. On top of all of that, they use art to tell a story. For example, there’s a part where one character is outside the fuggin spaceship tryna get from one spot to another spot on the ship and they literally write the words in the path that they take around the ship in large arcs. It’s incredible.
Plot – So these books are hard to think of as boring. There are a ton of things going on at the same time. I thought I was going to be bored with the “a YA couple just broke up but have to fight adversity” troupe but it wasn’t like that at all. Not even a little bit. These books BROKE me. TWICE. Literally broken. Virginia was broken as well… she comes out of her room with tears in her eyes screaming at the top of her lungs “NO! THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED” True story. She says it was 2am… it’s a lie. It was like 9pm.
Characters – Alright. Okay. So I didn’t think I cared about these characters at all. Boy was I wrong. I found myself connected to each and every character in some way. Eether it was through empathy or personal connection, I had it. They got me. They were incredibly well developed characters. Even the bad boy. I don’t particulary love that troupe either, but there were enough redeeming qualities that I adored him. Additioanlly, AIDAN. For those of you who’ve read, did you read them as a female or male? I originally thought of him as a woman, because 2001: A Space Odyssey, but then someone screwed with my brain and I couldn’t get out of the male persona.
Writing Style – I really have no words for this other than you’ll know it when you see it. It’s badass and beautiful. Read it. The end.
A couple other points – This book gave me all of the feels. In the second book, someone has inserted a virus into the mainframe that causes the same stupid pop song related to things like T-Swift’s Shake it Off or Katy Perry’s Last Friday Night. These songs are annoying. They’re incredibly and irritatingly annoying but catchy. So some dude, at the very beginning of the book has this song going through the whole joint all the fuggin time. So something super serious can happen on page 500 (I’m literally pulling that number out of my ass, I looked for a page and couldn’t find it and don’t have enough patience to look (DOUBLE PARENTHETICALS I love writing this in word because it fixes my typos)) and they’re still singing this stupid song called Lolly-Pop and it just makes you giggle. I thought it was hysterical.
Also, I think that Ms. Kaufman and Mr. Kristoff should be commended in their co-authorship. I never once thought the story was written by more than one person. It flowed so well that I had no issues with the narrative or lost my palce in the story. Well done. (I’ll put the photo of us up here too ;-) ).
Last thing – Promise. My Bff and I, Parker (writing the third part to this review) work for the same company. Over the course of every day, we get on work chat and the chats that happen in book 2 are quite literal examples of our daily conversation. We both found it amusing. We say stuff like that all the time.
SPOILERS!!!
GUYS SPACE ZOMBIES AND CREEPY SNAKE THINGS! Seriously those snake things were terrifying I still have nightmares.
Why do both books have to crush you just to bring them back? Literally both Ezra and Nik die. Is this a girl power thing? I mean, I’m all for it but sometimes people gotta die. Right?
So in book 1, I found it pretty interesting the BioTech person in charge of the attack was Ezra’s mom, and yet, she doesn’t end the attack. I think there’s more there. The Space Zombies were really creepy with that whole “pretty birdy” thing and havng the count down and percentages of infected folk. Also, when Byron got infected I got real sad. Lastly, when we found out that AIDAN was pretending to be Ezra I died. I had to put the book down and walk away for a while. I never do that with books. Not even in HP when certain main important characters died. I pushed through. This one I had to walk away for a min. Ok that’s a lie, with one of the characters in HP I through my novel across the room and proceeded to cry for a day. A whole day.
In book 2, HOLY CRAP THOSE SNAKE THINGS ARE SO SCARY. And I also found the alternate universe thing hard to follow. I mean, they gave me enough pre-work to buy it. The whole “we really have no idea what could happen” crap. But still, I am always skeptical of the two universes. And why did both Hanna and Nik have to die in the other universe? It just made it tough to buy. I think I would have been more crushed if they’d brought back Nik’s dead body.
Rating
Book 1 is 5/5 Shots. Super well done. So unique. Color me impressed.
Book 2 is like 4.75/5 Shots. I’m that girl at the bar who leaves a quarter of her shot in the glass because she “can’t finish it.” I hate those girls. Again, beautifully written and incredibly unique. But for reasons written in the spoiler section I have to take off .25.
These books are like like when you ask the bartender to “make you something new” and it’s delicious.
What to pair it with – Absynthe. You literally have no idea what’s going to happen after your first drink.
Okokok so lemme preface this by saying there are a few things wrong with what I’m boutta write today:
I had two family members pass away this past weekend and I’m pretty fucked up about it. I’m having a
hard time giving af about anything right now, but hey, I like words, and hopefully these ones will offer
me some modicum of relief. Here goes
For Dianne and Sherron
What I drank prior: Soooo it was Dr Who drinking night (is that not a thing for you? Look/ lock it up) a
rough guess goes as follows: 4 yuengling, 7 miller lite, 3 glasses de vino, 3 shots de
teequilaaayayayayayayyy
Brief spoiler free overview:
Picture yourself in deep space. Ore mining on asteroids is so common a thing that your whole family is on
an asteroid. Mining ore. It’s so chill that you’re in high school on said asteroid. Life is grand and
terraformed. These two teens are madly in love and it’s adorable and shit when BOOM THE WHOLE
MINE JONT GETS ATTACKED. They both escpae and spend the bulk of the novels really just trying to
survive. Their attackers did a shitty job killing everyone and they are hunting that ass down/ using some
pretty fucked up methods to eradicate the evidence of there enedavors. Will Kady and Ezra be together
in the end? Tune in next week on DRAGON BALLL ZE—
But seriously, Amie Kauffman and Jay Kristoff write a pair of incredibly compelling narrative in Illuminae,
about attacking overwhelming odds, and they do so in consistently surprising ways. The second
installment in the trilogy, Gemina, picks up right where it left off. Fancy yourself able to predict what’s
gonna happen in works of fiction? These two books contain the following, in no particular order:
A love story
A evil maniacal military dickbag
Artificial Intelligence (also a dickbag)
A goddam man-made wormhole
The Russian mafia
Space zombies
Hallucinogens
Spaceship battles. TWICE.
(Bruh. Read these shits.)
Personal spoiler free thoughts: Plot: The astronomy nerd in me (minored in it, have autographs from Stephen hawking, went -twice-to
space camp) loved the plot and technical execution of these novels ( with ONE exception. Spoilers, dear.)
I was continuously roped into caring about both the physical safety of these characters as well as the
lovey-dovey/retribution stories that are a significant arc throughout. I was never bored, and furthermore,
I cared. I gave a shit. To be able to carry that through two novels and 700 some-odd pages says a lot.
Characters: while we do see a few boring tropes arise in our characters, I found them continuously
surprising in a number of ways. (Oh you thought this son-of-a-druglord-fuckboy was gonna be a POS?
NAH. Oh you thought the sociopathic-semiomnipotent AI was gonna come to your aid? WRO –wait. Well.
kinda?). Some characters are flat, but our protagonists, antagonists, and most characters you spend
more than a few sentences on evolve tremendously, which is fitting considering how dire their situations
become. Only at one moment did I find myself actively disbelieving a character’s behavior. I’m hella
critical and read FOR these kinds of things, so such a feat is an achievement indeed.
I’ll finish with a bit of praise: AIDAN, the artificial intelligence piloting one of the ships, is the most
interesting and compelling character I’ve read in a while. AIDAN not only (d)evolves quickly, but is a
catalyst for other characters.
Writing style and pace: I almost wrote a sentence that described the style of these novels as
“contrived”. Here’s why: there are moments where the layout of the words on the page are as effective
and affective as the words themselves. Entire sections are written as military reports summarizing video
and/or audio feeds recovered from the spacecraft in question. Dialogue between characters is literally
more often espoused via instant messages (And emoijs. O.o) than via actual words spoken aloud. There
are moments where some of this “dialogue” sounds like my good friends and I chatting via IM at work.
Acronyms fly around, lolz are lolled, ellipses abound. For a digital native like myself, these things were
easy enough to break down but a less tech-savvy reader may run into trouble connecting.
A standout to me are the “illustrations” in these books. Entire pages function as concrete poems wherein
the shape of the words on the page add meaning. Imagine reading a firefight, but there is no narrative,
only dialogue. These fools manage to capture spatial and temporal changes and events with the literal
location of the words on the page, their size, their density, their orientation. Literally something I had
never seen before from a work of fiction, and when I have seen it in other genres, never has it been so
extensive, and to me, never has it been so effective
There are moments where characters have “dueling pages”, wherein lover girl’s actions take place only
on left-hand pages, and lover boy’s on the right. There’s a plot reason for this mirroring, and it is fucking
stupendous to me. A novel idea, well executed
the novels regularly give you checkpoints. Literally T-minus x minutes until things are FUBAR. And they
are hella effective companions to the pace that the authors were able to capture more traditionally. The
rising action in these novels draw you in innocuously; suddenly I realized while reading that my brows
were furrowed, my mouth hanging slack and that Hannah and Nik HADNT EVEN REALIZED THAT THERE
WERE 5 FOOT MAN EATING DEATH SNAKES ABOARD. Seriously. if the climaxes in my personal life were
as intense and prolonged as these I would have long since died of dehydration. Powerful, powerful stuff.
Do they resolve well? Considering that these are intended to lead toward a heretofore unreleased
concluding novel, I’d say yeah. I don’t leave either of these novels “satisfied” (heh) but only because I
want more, not necessarily because there are unanswered questions or poorly tied loose ends.
Spoiler:
the homie AIDAN is CRAZY BRO. straight batshit. Devolving to omniscient and omnipotent to FUCKING
BATSHIT INSANE and omnipotent. Which, yanno, aint an upgrade.
The happily-eve- afters are trill. Both novels have moments of unadulterated joy when our protagonists
meet again. Authors do a phenoooommmmmmeeennnaaall job of capturing these moments, and in fact
they are the moments that solidify the power of their graphical effects. The whole “Gemina effect” thing
fucks me up though. Dueling universes? Trading dead bodies to fix the fucking whole in the goddam
universe? IDK bro. a lot. Just a lot to buy into.
Rating x/5 and what drink it’s comparable to:
Illuminae: 5/5 shots of patron
Gemina 4.5/5 shors of cuervo
The change is because by the time I get to gemina, I KNOW I wanna get fucked up. Idc that I’m probably
gonna hook up with my ex and feel like vomit(ing) the next day
What to pair it with:
I’d pair these novels with a nice IPA. Maybe Bell’s two-hearted ale, only because you need to get through
a bunch of hundred pages of IMs and concrete poems that literally make you turn the book over
sometimes. If you drank liquor, you’d drop your book. Like I did. Twice
