Friday, December 30, 2016

Parker's Top 10 of 2016

Its d’final count doowwwnnnnnn

I read a SQUAD of books in 2016. To be honest, it might have been my most prolific, non-academic reading year of life since like 2005 when I read everything Stephen King wrote and also my grandma’s porn novels.

I did a lot of this reading drunk, and nearly 100% of it suuuuper sauced, so the following countdown may be comrpimised. (ir)Reregardless, I made a list!

DEESE (nuts) are my favorite reads of 2016. Some of them are individual works, and some are series; some I wrote about on this blog, some I read between or before or other prepositions relative to these reaads. Whatever. Shut up.

10. The Great Hunt (book 2: wheel of time)
9. The Dark Forest (book 2: Threee Body Problem)
8. Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
7. Giovanni’s Room, James Baldwin
6. Illuminae by Amy Kauffman and Jay Kristoff (post here)
5. Mistborn. The whole goddam series , by Brandon sanderson
4. between the world and me, Ta-Nahesi Coates

3. red rising: so the whole series was lit, but the first fucking novel in the trilogy was una lituacion, the first couple of pages were trite and predictable, and obvious as plot-fodder, but Pierce Brown made it rain in the subsequent 300 some-odd paginas. Fun as fuck, surprising, compelling. “Hunger Games in space” is an accurate but inadequate description. The second two novels carry the torch even farther

2. Coex alera: the series. so first of all, shoutout to Kitai, but for really real, thisseries was my favorite to read in 3016, I read 6 400 page novels in like 2 weeks. Tavi et all were so fucking compelling, the writing so fucking thorough, and the battle scenes so powerful that I had no choice but to power the fuck through them. My #1 recommendation for high fantasy in 2016.

1. Homegoing. Read my post. Not gonna cry again today.

You might hate all these novels. That’s fine. Fuck you. You dumb. And ya dick little.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern: A Response

So this entry is in direct response to what sam wrote about the same work. She recommended it, I read. It. Blah blahzz .


OK so what EYE drank prior: some margs, some vodka, some brews, idk. tonight got weird

What to pair it with - Editor's note: P - This is not what this section is about LOLZ
On a june night like this one, the moon barely rises beyond the cloud banks. The fog simmers underfoot, and once you realize your heartbeat is what’s clouding your ears, you acquiesce to silence. You can only see, then, the flap of the circus tent. Pairs in the crowd grip eachother’s palms; each individual wants for another to grasp in wonderment, in safety. Look at the sudden, foreign stars; they swim oh so rhythmically; they drip, blink of heresy. A neat scotch will do quite nicely with that, yeah. a double glenfiddich.

This is going to be the first lukewarm review I write on this blog (I think, but, lol, who knows). The Night Circus was a beautifully written tale of magic and mystery that I couldn’t fully get behind. The idea was novel, and the writing was compelling, but, yanno, I ran through those pages without really giving a fuck about much besides whether I’m going 6/8 or 7/8 on the predictions I made an hour in to reading. There was a love story or something, some sacrifice, some maleficent magic, some heroics. To be honest? Read it. It’s beautiful Stunning. It just wasn’t for me

Spoiler free review shawty:
So early as shit we meet these two kids and they both get, like, “Bound” into this game their dads are playing. When we meet them we don’t know shit about what’s going on there. What we do know is that these chapters are interspersed with second and third person narratives of what really compelled me in this novel, “Le cirqe de Reves”, or (probably, given the title) “The Night Circus” (or something). The novel is the story of the circus. Other things happen, but they’re uninteresting. Other characters come and go, and they too are largely, boring as fuck. But yo. These barnum and bailey faced motherfuckers are incredible and enchanting and magical and brilliant. From the acrobats to the contortionists, to the watchmaker consigned to build a clock for em, the tricks and treats that this circus of folks executes is really compelling nd engaging and, again, the reason I couldn’t put this book down.

Writing stlye: There are some gorgeous, gorgeous pieces of prose in this novel. Morganstern has some vivvvvvid fucking imagery, like three v’s like they would be porn caliber if they were x’s but the’re v’s so it’s still kinky and luxurious, but there’s no peens. Thereis a depth to the writing. Characters’ development (though predictable af, to me, at least) is rich and interwoven with lesser characters and lesser plot points that do provide momentary pause. I almost would say that a lot of the prose here is >.> <.< magical lolololol.

I was not moved enough by this novel to want to share spoilers with you people. See sam’s review to get those. Plus she writes better than I do. So. yeah.

Rating: 2.75/5 vodka sodas.
Like. I got drunk off these drinks but I wish I drank something else, but I drank them fast so I def feel something, I think. But I really wanted to, so.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

A World Without You by Beth Revis

A World Without You by Beth Revis

What I Drank Prior: Tequila. A lot of tequila. I wish i knew how much, but i don't cause Parker poured. Not my fault.

Spoiler-free Overview:
Hokay, so this book is about a boy named Bo who thinks he's a super hero. He thinks he has the ability to travel in time. He thinks he's at a school for kids who also have super powers. Obvioulsy by all of the "thinks" you understand that he's not actually an x-man.

This story is in the POV of both Bo and his sister. According to Bo, the love of his life, Sofia, is trapped in time, and everyone else seems to think she's dead. Bo is determined to save her. Thingsssss happpennnn

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
Let's just say I finished this book in one sitting. This book isn't defined as "short" it's just really really engrossing. I was taken in very quickly. Like, I thought that MAYBE it wasn't mental illness. That it could possibly be something esle. Be cause the main POV, Bo, is SO unreliable. I am a sucker for unreliable narrators.

Characters: Alright, so look. Patrick (my brother) if you're reading this, please don't take this the wrong way. I read this book, and the sibling relationship in it was so fucking relatable. Like, my brother and i are fine, we're not like, lovey-dovey or whatever, but we're fine. If you take it one step forward, and you get the characters in this novel. A paraphrase is like "we're to separate people living our own separate lives and just happen to have the same genetic code." Now, Pat and I aren't like that, Bo and his sister are. But if my brother and I had one wrong move sometime in the past, it would have led us there. I related SO hard to these characters.

Side note: I really appreciated how it showed how a whole family is effected when one is mentally ill.

Plot: The plot to me wasn't the biggest part of this book. Like it was there, and it was important, and some things happened but like, it was so character driven that i just... yeah

Writing Style: tbh, like to be COMPLETELY honest, it wasn't the best. It wasn't beautiful, it wasn't metephorical or whatever, it was just fine. To me, the characters are really what made this story.

I'm not going to write a spoiler-y section because I don't have much to say, but what I do have opinions is with the message this book addresses. See. Below.

Message: Look. THis book is about mental illness. And I had the pleasure of reading the annotated version from the Quarterly Co. box. As someone who has a degree in Psychology, i think it was an excellent portrayal of how mental illness can effect a family. It was very interesting to see into the mind of someone who is mentally ill. Now, I thought maybe I was gonna be all like "i loved seeing how they think."

No one knows how the folks diagnosed with mental illness think. Let me repeat myself: no one knows how the folks diagnosed with mental illness think. EXCEPT those who are mentally ill. So, I can't be like "its so great to see into their minds!!!!" cause this portrayal isn't true. BUT it is close. It does help us healthy folk understand how delusions work. It helps us understand how things can get exacerbated by stress. YOU GUYS i just wrote 'exacerbated' super drunk and didn't misspell it. BE PROUD!

Just read it, ok? Like, it's good for everyone.

Rating: 4/5 Shots.

What to pair it with: Tequila. Because tequila makes us all a little mentally ill right? We never really know what's true or false.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Find Me

Image result for find me book

By Laura Van Den Berg

Well, it's a happy doctor night (meaning we're watching Supernatural, finishign season 2, starting season 3) and we're celebrating my last day on the job so we're drinking plenty of champagne and eating Chinese food.  Pretty much an ideal night.

Spoiler Free Review: This book is about a woman named Joy.  The world she's in has been struck by a disease that slowly eats away at peoples minds, erasing their memories and then killing them.  Joy has become part of a test to see why people are immune and if they can help make a vaccine for the illness.  This hospital is a dark place and everything kind of sucks. Also there's a plot point that Joy was abandoned as a child and has finally been given enough information to find her mother. Part two of the book is Joy out of the hospital and trying to find her mohter, which means traveling across the United States.  In all honesty this book lacks a lot.  Joy is a mostly uninteresting characters.  At the point wehre an interesting character is added to the hospital, literally nothing is done with taht person.  The traveling across teh U.S. was also pretty much not memorable (I'm amused that his is a book about not being able to remember anything and I'm here not remembering much about this plot only a week or so after having read this... Which means I'm focusing on broad points.  If this makes you want to read the book more power to you.).  In traveling across the US she runs into a friend from when she was younger, probably the most interesting part of the book, who wears a mask most of the time to cover a scarred face.   This book would have been better if more happened in the hospital or if the entire book was the traveling across the US but the abrupt change in the middle wasn't really beneficial.  There was also a section with some rando's that they ran into where the book became a bit of magical realism which actually had me really intrigued. 

Spoiler-y Review:

Rating:  This book earns a shot and a half out of five.  The characters were lacking personality.  The author seemed to have trouble to actually commit to various plot points and I was disappointed that such an interesting premise ended up being such a lackluster book.  There would have been a number of interesting ways to focus on this book: what is the world like as people are losing their minds, what are the people who continue on in the midst of such chaos like, and how do people carry on afterwards.  The main character didn't do a great job of showing anything interesting about the world.

What to Drink: Drink a Natty Light.  It's not particularly pleasant, wont' really get you drunk but it's cheap and accessible. 

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Hamilton: The Revolution

Hamilton (Hardcover), Books
by Jeremy McCarter and Lin Manuel Miranda

So, to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure this is going to fit in our normal review format.  I'm pretty sure that anyone who has clicked on this particular post is already going to be a fan of Hamilton, so there's no point in hiding spoilers (and to be fair, any spoilers are technically more than 200 years old so I think we're past the point where we need to "hide" the more titilating moments.

This book takes all of the songs, adds Lin Manuel Miranda's footnoetes (which are amazing if you care about rap, hip-hop, fun facts or joy), as well as sections taht explain how the show was written.  Obviously, the songs are what you would expect (I cried while reading some of them, the same way I do when I listen to them...), the footnotes give you a small insight into Lin Mauel Miranda's writing process which was phenomenal.  He covers everything from his musical inspirations to the original lyrics, to just general fun facts.

The more memorable parts were actually the section before each song.  The sections focus more on how the show was made: the process of writing the songs, finding the right actors, adjusting sections to make them more powerful, figuring out the choreography.  Basically the sections focus on the magic of storytelling on stage.

This is the point where I fully admit that I have listened to the soundtrack more times than I can count, and that Sam and I occasionally text each other segments of songs to keep each other interested at work.  This is a book that should only be picked up by people who are in love with the show, or are interested in the process of getting a show on Broadway.

It doesn't change the fact that learning about cast dynamics and how the techies worked together was endlessly fascinating (again, I must admit I did theater when I was younger so yet again this hit every happy bone in my body), but there were also sections that were a little bit heartbreaking (of course, at the end of the book, surrounded by songs about losing children and having trouble with dealing with teh life after that).  I cried so many actual tears.

This book is 4 out of 5 shots, mostly becuase while I unabashedly love this, it doesn't change the fact that this is definitely a book meant for people who already love Hamilton, (and I can't believe that I forgot to mention the pictures.  They were AMAZING.  For anyone who can't imagine the show and want a very basic framework for what it looks like, holy shit get this book.).

To read this book, go for a Sam Adams.  Because it's literally referenced in the show, also Sam Adams is a founding father so BAM.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Codex Alera: Furies of Calderon by Jim Butcher

Codex Alera:
Book One: Furies of Calderon
By Jim Butcher



Let me  tell you. About the one and true goddess. About the fire and the sword, dat ass and dat Mohawk. About the heart and the soul. Good people I’m here to tell you about Kitai today *choir hums*. Shidddd I just typed her name and got a body chill. So. So. Sosososo bae.

anyway Codex Alera is an epic fantasy series about a quintessential frontier farming family thrust into the maw of war and destruction. Count Bernard, his sister, her nephew, Tavi (da GOAT) have to battle the natural spirits that abound adjacent to them  at the edge of the wilderness. They encounter “barbarians” of all type:
the marat—pretty human but real closely spiritually linked to certain animal groups, horses, (these giant ass wombats called) gargants, and wolves.
Icemen – sound it out, that’s what they are.
The canim—an incredibly complicated race of dogpeople who hate regular humans, aka “demons.” More on ‘em later…

The series features and capitalizes on your typical political strife, but it’s complicated by their “crafting”. No, theyre not making belts and fuggin wallets; by “crafting” they are harnessing natural elements such as earth, wind, fire and water to (IAMCAPTAINPLANET) make their lives easier and to make war. These wilde spirits or “furies” create the name of this series and every non-barbarian not named Tavi has them (except for Kitai. I haven’t forgotten her, I just teared up when I brought her up the first time. And again now that I mention her. Meet me in the spoliers. Sweatergawd). His aunt and uncle, his classmates, and errybody’s lovers, bastards, and slaves are potential players in the complex game of chess that arises. When an alien foe forces the disparate characters to untie, hilarity and beautifully explicit warfare ensue.

So I’m only allowed to talk about the first novel in this series since this post is ostensibly is about the series entirely.  Suffice to say that this is a great first edition in a six-nivel series that kept me engaged, interested, and guessing what happened next. Page after page, book after book, I wanted to know how these mofuckers were gonna use these furies to defeat the mofucking Huns on some Mulan shit. Trust when I say: Tavi and crew GOT DOWN TO BIZNESS.


Rating: 4.69 shots of everclear, just cause you’re gonna be blown away and might be a  vord-zombie by the end

Pairing:  your surprise favorite drink. For me it’s a “Sweet Baby Jesus” peanutbutter stout because I  didn’t wanna like it but found myself missing it because the new beerz I tried after it aint have no girth, no body, and because I imagine it’s what Kitai tastes like. Sue me.



Thursday, November 10, 2016

Serafina and the Black Cloak by Robert Beatty


Serafina and the Black Cloak by Robert Beatty

What I Drank Prior: a 12 pack. Yes. I am a young skinny 27 yo woman and I am still functioning.

Spoiler-free overview:
So there's this chick named Serafina. She's weird. No one knows she exists except her dad. This middle-grade novel is wonderful. Basically people start going missing and she has to figure out why. I love it.

Spoiler-free thoughts:

Characters: I love them. All of them. They're so real. They have these real life problems and insecurities that don't jsut "go away" after a pep talk. That's one of my biggest pet peeves is when mental ilness just goes away. ANYWHO these caracters are well done (dude i'm super drunk).

Plot: While the plot was benign and childish it was supposed to be. This is middle grade. THink of HP 1 through 3. Problem, puzzle, heroes solve, heroes win. That's this book. BUT it was executed in a way that was pretty unique. Pretty great.

Writing Style: Also pretty great. Nothing super literary but also awesome in some ways. I have plenty of quotes written down because they make me happy and stronger. I efel like middle grade does that more than other genres do. anyway READ IT.

What to pair it with: Something warm. A Hot Tottie for example. I looooooved this. super warm and fuzzie.

Rating: 4/5 Shots only because it was predicatable. I TRULY loved this book. read it please

Monday, November 7, 2016

Stalking Jack the Ripper by Kerri Maniscalco



Stalking Jack the Ripper by Kerri Maniscalco

What I drank prior: at least 8 beers and a half bottle of wine. you think i'm lyin? it happened.

Spoiler-free Overview:
Hokay, so. Obviously this is about Jack the Ripper. He's a scary dude. This YA retelling is about the girl that tries to take him down. She's a girl, in 19th centruy england, trying to learn how to be a medical examiner and do autopsies. SHe's all like, teach me bruh. Her uncle's like.... K. Dad doesn't like it. Mysteries happen, she tries to fix it.

Spoiler-free thoughts:
You guys, i wanna like this book. Stalking Jack the Ripper sounds super duper fun. But its basically a mystery that you can predict from the beginning.

Characters: Okay, fine. I LOVED the characters. Like legit, all of them are wonderful. Kerri does a great job developing characters that I fell deeply in love with. and it makes me really really embarrased that i did.

Plot: Look. THe plot was super predictable. It just was. I was talkin with parker about it and i knew before the 50% mark who Jack was. sorrrryyyyyyyyy

Writing Style: I liked that they had photos of various points in the story. They helped me figure out what was going on. ALSO, her wtriting style was good enough for me to fall in love with the characters. So. Yeah.


What to pair it with: Miller lite. Its fine. Like, it will do the job, it will get you drunk, but its not great.

Rating: 3/5 shots. That's all I got.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Every Heart a Doorway

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire

Quick notes.  I drank plenty of wine, and a little bit of beer, and a gin drink before writing this.  Also I technically read this book for a book club and talked through a lot of my feelings already with my friend Emma (THANKS EMMA!) so this might be a little more intelligble than normal (though no promises).

Spoiler Free Plot:
So this book is about the people who come back from their fictional worlds... the harry potter once he's kicked out of hogwarts, the Pensieve children after Narnia.  It's a school for all of the people who no longer fit into the normal world.  They are separated into high logic and high nonsense (rules versus nonsense?) and the great thing about this book is that all of the worlds are the slightest bit creepy.  It's the sort of thing where if you aren't perfectly suited for hte world it's going to strike you as fucking strange (a la there's a world where everyone runs on rainbows and a spider world which thank you but NO!!!!!!).  Nancy, our main character, has come from the Land of the Dead, where it's expected that you can keep preturnaturally still...  She comes back to a world full of colors (as opposed to the mostly black and white world she spent so much time in) and has trouble adjusting.  This book suffers from a few of the more traditional "I'm not like other girls" issues as well as the "most of the boys are meatheads."  Basically it suffers from the kind of boring archetypes that you see in a lot of books which I think is mostly due to the fact that this book is less than 200 pages long.  In the end the book is fascinating more for the world that it builds.  I wanted to know so much more about the various fantasy worlds that the kids were rushed into, and how someone who wasn't perfectly suited to a world would be treated.... There was a lot to think about here that I really enjoyed.  Honestly, there was a whole murder plot, but I found that a lot less interesting than the background detaisl..

Basic info.  Nancy came from the Land of the Dead.  She makes friends with Sumi, who comes from a High Nonse3nse world, as well as Kade (a logic world), Jack (Jacqueline) and Jill, twinse who went to a world that seems to be made up of monsters (think a world with dracula and the scientist who created Frankesnstein) as well as Christopher (who makes cbones dance?  it's kind of awesoem and definitely a bit weird)... my favorite thing is that the fairy worlds are all a little bit off.  Likethey sound like awesome places to be, except for a detail or two... The worlds are perfectly suited for the people who went to them but woudlnt' work for anyone else... It's kind of fantastic.  Because I always felt that Narnia woudl have been fine with whoever made it through the wardrobe, where as these people did seem perfectly suited.

Spoiler-y Explanation:

I loved this book if only for all the questionst aht it borught up about the world that it existed in.  I wanted to know everything about the minor characters.  I wanted to dive into the different worlds and understand the difference bbetween high logic and high nonsense and the difference between wicked and honest worlds and the axies of rhyme and reason and all the ridiculous stuff that his book brought up. I wanted to know about the other schools (for the people who didn't want to return to their worlds, and what the non-truamatic people dealt with while they were there).  I want to exist in this world to see what would happen to the people once they grauduated.  I literrally want a whole series of books in this world, which is why I give it a 4.5 out of 5 shots.

This book needs something appropritately whimsical.  Honestly, the main character is obsessed with pomegranate juice so I feel like it needs to incorporate that... Maybe a Pomegranate Cosmo.  The thing that fancy people order but slightly different because, pomegranate.  I'm gonn have to keep thinking on this and might add an update but I feel like Pomegranate Cosmo fits this one.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

The Regional Office is Under Attack! by Manuel Gonzales



The Regional Office is Under Attack! by Manuel Gonzales

What I Drank Prior: All of the beers and then some wine. Sufficiently drunk I promise. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? (my friends say thats mean)

Spoiler-free Overview:
ok so I'm gonna try really hard to explain this book. So, tehre are two POVs... One on the Regional Office's side, the other tryna take 'em over. Thigns happen. Its basically an office that is under attack from the very people that it trained in the first place. Its crazy. Legitimately crazy. Robot hands? Super powers? Weird fuckin oracle shits? All of it.

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
Okay, so i finished this book and was liek "what the actual fuck just happened?" DId the quote go in the right spot there? not completely sure. BUt that's how i feel about it. The book was weird AF but so good.

Characters: Okay ,so there was thsi character named Rose and she's basically me. LIke, i copied and pasted some of her thoughts into a chat with Parker and he was like "yup, das you" and i had some trouble dealing with that. its tough having someone else in your mind. Its just odd.

Plot: Okay, so I'm reallly and truly not sure the plot. Is that.... weird? I loved it. I loved that i finished this novel not knowing what the plot was. Its weird.

Writing Style: It was wonderful. I loved it. ITs one of those things you write in a highschol yearbook "you rock don't ever change"

Spoiler Thoughts:

What to pair it with: Loopy vodka shot. The vodka that tastes like foot loops? only because this book is WEIRD AF.

Rating: 4.5/5 Shots. ALL of the shots. they only lost .5 shots because i still have no idea what happened only that i loved it. That sounds horrible but i LOVED it.

Friday, October 28, 2016

The Three Body Problem by Liu Cixin

3 body problem

What I drank: few brews and a half bottle of the literal world’s best Malbec. I’m not lit but I’m classy with it so, pish posh, hoe.

Spoilerfree: OK I borrowed The Three Body Problem from my roommate, Frank, who borrowed it from his brother, who stole it from their dad’s cabinet. None of them knew what it was about. It’s a work in translation from Chinese, and the first, apparently, of a trilogy or some shit, by Liu Cixin. Who knows. All I know is this:

·         It’s a sci-fi novel in the purest sense of the word
·         Apparently it’s the all-time most read sci-fi in Chinese history
·         It’s not the “easiest” read, for a number of reasons (which I shall attend to, calmate)
·         This entry’s spoiler free section will be particularly free of spoilers, just because when I wrapped my head around what was actually happening in TBP  I WAS GODDAM FLABBERGASTED. But maybe I’m dumb; in any case I wanna leave no clues

The novel takes place in China between the cultutral revolution and “present” day, and it’s characters are all goddam profesors and/or generals, (there’s a character list on page, like 1, so no spoilers yet; don’t fret) so you get the impression some real shit is poppin off. Readers see a number of time/plot lines unveiled for them simultaneously, starting with the murder of Ye Zhetai in the 1940s, the ascencion of his widower, Ye Wenjie, into the ranks of a military surveillance base in the ‘50s, and the abrubpt and the hallucinations of a nanomaterials expert, Wang Miao (three bodies, get it?) in the year 2007. Ze Winjei and Wang Miao meet up in present day in the context of an open source, online, VR computer game/real time physics experiment called “The Three Body Problem” wherein they have to deduce some wild fuggin physics (google “three body problem” and check it out, it’s actually crazy to conceptualize and Liu Cixin does a phenomenal job explaining it to laypeople).
Hilarity and murder and madness ensue. Yeah. From a game. It’s like halo or some shit, but real ppl are waking up dead when they “lose”.

Writing Style
There is a fuckton of like cultural references and historical events for which the narrator, Ken Liu, leaves ample and enthralling footnotes. Between them, the characters’ involvement and understanding of the major plots at hand are unveiled. To be honest, this novel was NOT easy to read. A large part of it was the  frequent and deep scientific language. I’m not an idiot. I’m good at words, and I love science. However comma I found myself rereading numerous passages to try to understand exactly what the author wanted to convey. Paragraphs about microwave radiation and the function and fashion of nanoparticles were hard for me to follow. But das me doe.

Additionally, and more what I think bothered me, was the pacing, the syntax, the dialogue. I found them hard to fall into, if that makes sense. I mean, I’m a native reader of English, the novel was written in Chinese, and the translator worked to adhere to the structure and feel of a Chinese novel. It was an accomplishment in that regard, and It was work to read. I wanted to read it, so I did, and the unveiling of these spoilers was ultimately  sexy as hell. I was mad happy with it though, At a few points I had to put her down and sit back and, like, reflect on how I didn’t see the shit coming.
 Impressive. no bullshit.

Spoilers: quick and durty

Pairing: a dope ass red wine because it’s tasty, then you get to the last quarter of the bottle and realize YOURE FUCKED, YO.

RATING: 3.55/5 I mean it’s a cool read but I finished it because I WANTED to finish. I was never compelled to do so. that being said i'm not ready to give up on the series. vamos a ver.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff

Hey guys, time for another joint post...

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff

Sam's Review Parker's Review
What I drank prior: so it's a Doctor night and the first one in several weeks so I've had at least 7 beers if not more. Probably more like 8. Not the drunkest I've ever been but it's enough to write.

Spoiler-free Overview: Okay so I like to say this is Hogwarts but for assassins. Let me start by saying this is def an adult book. Like within the first 10 pages there's graphic sex. There's this chick, don't wanna tell you her name because it's a super cool mystery, and she wants to be an assassin to revenge her family after they were brutally murdered. The dad was murdered cause he was tryna rebel against an oppresive government. So she goes to this school to be taught shit about killin other folk. Mysteries evolve. Adventures happen. etc etc.

Spoiler-free thoughts:
This book is the fantasy I've been waiting for. And the sex scenes. I read each at least twice. O' snicker as much as you want.

Plot: Okay, so the plot was awesome. It dragged a bit in the middle. I was so enthralled in the mystery that the education bit was boring. But DAMN it was good. I started by tweeting that I wanted a fucking shadow cat that followed me around and taught me things. Jay was like "Are you sure?" I'm like DUH! but that then made me super skeptical. (YES JAY MOTHERFUCKING KRISTOFF REPLIED TO ME. This is not a drill) But the plot twist was not a joke. I was legitimately surprised. And with all the fantasy I read, that's hard to do. I cannot wait to find out what happens to chick.

Writing Style: This book was gorgeous. Legitimately gorgeous. The first 11 pages of this book are mirrored. Like the events that happen in the present are mirrored in what happens in th past and it's beautiful. I was immediately immersed in the stroy but ONLY because of the writing. It was beatuiful. He describes things so uniquely that it's never hard to even imagine what's going on.

Characters: Alright. I L-O-V-E-D the characters. They were so well thought out and brilliant. Even the ones that didn't matter I cared about. And the ones that DID matter, holy fuck, i needed them to be ok. Legit. Needed.

Also, minor side note: Jay legit understands what its like to go through quitting smoking. Not like I've tried and failed that before......

World Building: I know this isn't part of our usual style but I felt the need to put it in here. Jay decides that he wants to build his world through footnotes. When the narrator brings up something out of context, the author puts in these footnotes that are both hysterical and beautiful at the same time. I felt like I was learning so much more about the world through the footnotes. It helps with the "telling" v. "showing" conflict that authors have. Jay "tells" in the most interesting way.

Side note: the footnotes are also hysterical. the end.

Spoiler thoughts:

Rating:  5/5 Shots DUH. I want literally every adult to read this book.

What to pair it with: A cigarette (obviously) and your favorite beer. Not just your favorite beer but whatever you WANT from your favorite beer. THAT BEER is the one you need to drink with this book.

What I drank: infinite bud lights out of a tardis cup and a lot of blood. So when Sam told me that she found the fantasy novel that she, “had been waiting for”, I obvi had to read it and boy, was she right as hell. Nevernight by Jay Kristoff is smart and action packed and hot and muhfuggin magical.

Spoiler free overview: Our lil protagonista is a BAWSE. Some traumatic events from her childhood have given her the fuel she needs to do just about anything. Anything, in this case, involves training to be a part of a super secret religious sect . this sect is normal. Her initiation was to bring the teeth of a man she killed to this sacred temple in the desert as a tithe. Casual. Yanno, they hide from the three suns which are always visisble, (such explains the title, no?) and, wait for it, they are fucking assassin ninjas. Who do, like magic (Ok so they don’t “DO” magic, but they employ some like blood magicians. And these people can heal any wound of the flesh and have a blood toilet-instant transport-thingamabob in the basement that I fully recommend 11/10 must try.)If you’re thinking, “wow, that sounds like howgarts kinda!” you right, except this school is way more stabby and all the professors are Snapes (rip), and there’s a class on blowjobs. Even among such interesting characters, our lil lady stands out. Over and over, people tell her, that she “doesn’t belong” for a bunch of reasons, including that she can like control the night and shadows like an extenson of her own hand. Whatever. Nbd. Regardless this novels iteration of the young bae’s coming of age is exquisite. She lives, she learns, she cums and the plot remains impossible to forecast regardless. WILL our heroine avenge the treatment of her family by the corrupt state monarch? Will she find time to love her fellow orphan and smouldering look-giver, Tric, in an environment that is designed to sharpen her to a blade? Is she a squirter? Read and find out, idjit.

Writing Style: Kristoff’s universe is well planned and thoughtgul. This isn’t really a surprise, considering how I felt about his series with aMie Kaufmann. However he does tremendous work with the physical page in order to sufficiently draw us in. what does he use? FEREEKING FOOTNOTES. They range VASTLY in size, importance anf frequency, and heyre like lil annotations for the entirety of the novel. Also important to me was the pace of this novel. it didn’t have a traditional plot structure. Instead we really built up and up and up throughout the bulk of the work. By the time I was ¾ of the way through I was reading by intertia. I plummeted toward the conclusion of the novel at terminal velocity and the splash at my impact was quite the satisfying collision


What it rates: bruh like 5/5 Margaritas on rocks w/salt read on the beach under the sun’s unending rays. Know that you may burn but that the heat your skin makes will light your boo’s skin up like a lantern later that night. Take a sexond gulp and read that second chapter.

What to pair it with: a red red, blood red wine in a glass deep enough to step into

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

5 Fictional Characters I'd Like to Get Hammered With

So this is a little different. I'm working on trying to do other things. So i've come up with a list of fictional character folks i want to have a drink with.

What I drank prior: A whole goddamn bottle of wine and a trip to see a friend who just had a massive brain tumor removed. I'm set.

These are 5 friends (or groups of friends) i want to get hammered with.

5. Bobby Pendragon - Pendragon Series by DJ MacHale
Dude this kid has got it real. Like, he knows whats up and he just wants to fix things. But i feel like he would be super fun to drink with because he needs a super-break. like, he needs a minute to chill and i could totally give that to him. i grew up with Bobby. He's like a brother to me. I could totally get him laid. wingman #ftw

4. Mia Corvere - Nevernight by Jay Kristoff
This chick is so cool. I feel like i could go out on a night drinking with her and she'd drink em under the table. and thats no small feat. Also, i'd love like, to see the before and after fo the crap Mia wnet through. i'd probs become bi for her

3. Fred and George Weasley - Harry Potter Series by The Goddess JK Rowling
Because duh. We'd get hammered and do all the stupid things i never have courage to do on my own.

2. Sevro au Barca: - Red Rising Trilogy by Pierce Brown
I want to get Sevro hammered. I think he'd be the best drinking buddy i've ever had ever. We'd get all silly and then make fun of people and then have politcal discussions until sometime during the night eh notices how pretty i am so he tells me so. maybe not but these are all happening in my mind. IM DRUNK DONT JUDGE ME'

1. Wayne - Mistborn: Alloy Era by His Holiness Brandon Sanderson
I WANT TO HAVE A DRINK WITH THIS MAN SO BADLY. Look at one point in the series he compared a church with a bar and it was briliant. please someone see this and understnd with me. Also, who can hate the quote "I aint never died in this hat"? Who? no one. beccause no one exists who can deal with that quirkyness.


Until next time, i remain drunkenly yours,

Friday, October 14, 2016

A Shadow Bright and Burning by Jessica Cluess


Look i've been having a couple of boring weeks so i'v read a lot. but i'm also trying to take November off of drinking so going to do a couple posts tonight.

A Shadow Bright and Burning By Jessica Cluess

What I drank prior: A whole bottle of wine with no dinner. If you've ever drank without eating you know the state i'm in.

Spoiler-free Overview: So, there's this girl who's a teacher. She has this power that she's afraid of having because women don't have this power. She's gonna try and hide (life she's done for her whole life) but her bestest friend ever is in danger so she uses her powers in front of someone important. Instead of exeuting her, she is praised for being the first woman in a gazillion years to have this power. Adventures happen.

Spoiler-free thoughts: you guys i loved this, so much.

Plot: So you know how typical YA has this whole trope-y thing? Love triangles, chosen one, etc.? This woman knows how to throw tropes on their head. Also, it was super well paced. Like, as soon as i felt the i-want-something-to-happen itch, i was satisfied. Well done.

Characters: Dude. OK, let me start by saying the main character (a woman) is so well developed i could cry. HOWEVER, what i find more impressive is how much i loved the secondary characters. Each have their own secrets. each have their own backstory and i love all of them. literally there isn't one that i don't love.

Writing Style: It's beautiful but sometimes hard to follow. That's my only thought.

Spoiler Thoughts:  Just going to trigger you for sexual assault

What to pair it with: Chambord. Because it gets you drunk but it tastes weird and you're still going to enjoy it.

Rating: 5/5 shots for sure. Loved it so much.

Until next time, i remain drunkenly yours,

Monday, October 10, 2016

Deep Blue by Jennifer Donnelly

Okay guys, debate night number 2 and i am HEATED. Cannot even begin to describe it.

Deep Blue by Jennifer Donnelly (Waterfire Saga #1)

What i drank prior: So.... i went wine tasting at a winery nearby with my mama and then.... debates and so somewhere near 3 bottles of wine since noon. its now 11:30pm. sooooo yeah.

Spoiler free overview:
So this is a book about mermaids. Can we talk about the cover? Please???? Which is pretty friggin cool i suppose. though this story was like, a normal YA book but underwater. Some chick is like, boutta be the crown princess and shit goes down and then she's gotta go find some place to save the sea. There are supposed to be 6 of 'em. her bff is one of them. and they're basically chased all through the sea to find this place so they can be a team and shit.

Spoiler free thoughts:
Alrighty, so i read this book really fast.

Plot: I was looking for something quick and easy and this was it. the main character Sera is a teenager and man is she a teenager. boy troubles et. al. however, what i liked about this book was while there was a boy, he wasn't on her mind all the time. i was pleasantly satisfied with that. more on that in the character section. but the plot was fast paced and easy to read. At some points though i kinda just wanted them to be safe ya know? but all in all i was cool with it.

Characters: So we've talked about the main character Sera, but the bff Neela. I swear to god if she talked about candy one more time i was going to barf. Lastly, the demon, its named after like... actual lore which is fine except i've read a lot about that demon and it seemed unoriginal.

World building: Dude, this book was so funny with the world building. The money was called currensea... CLEVER. Everything was swimming not walking etc. But still, it was neat. the cultures from the different oceans or seas mimiced the cultures of their terra counterparst. so like, the indian ocean had saris and stuff like that. pretty cool.

Rating: 3/5 shots. It wasn't bad, but not so good either. Very predictable.

What to pair it with: a good white wine. i just feel like its a white wine kinda book.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson


Alright guys, I'm pretty fired up about this first debate so please for the love of god, don't hate me. I'm in a mood.

What I drank prior: A bottle of wine plus 1/3 of a yummy craft beer and one miller lite. Yes. Drunk. Yes. Pissed because demon-spawn. Deal with it.

Spoiler-free overview:
Okay, so there're like, two princesses. One's supposed to marry god-king Susebron, the other is a fre spirited kid. For some stupid reason her dad is all "free-spirited's gotta marry the god-king to prevent war." seems stupid but yeah. free spirited girl's named Siri, other sis is named Vivenna. Siri's all like, why does dad hate me? gotta produce an heir for god-king. Vivenna's all like, gotta save Siri. V goes to find the spies of her kingdom to be able to find the best way to save the sis. She finds these mercenaries who are pretty hysterical. S on the other hand is tryna get to know her new man. Turns out, he's not what people think. Adventures happen. It's a thing.

Spoiler-free thoughts:
This book is like a breathe of fresh air. I loved it so much. Just such a pleasure to read.

Plot: So look. I can't decide if this book was plot driven or character driven. It was so well balanced that i couldnt' handle it. The plot had a twist that i didn't see coming, which is hard to do cause I'm like.... a master fantasy reader. But like, i loved it. Also, if you love the cosmere, the written language is the same as Stormlight. k.

Characters: I was so appreciative of Sanderson and his care of his female characters. In Mistborn, the female characters were only strong because they were more masculine. In Warbreaker, the female characters were strong because they were strong. I lvoed it. I also super loved the mercenaries and even the villain.

Writing Style: It's His Holiness Sanderson. 'nuff said.

World Building: At times i was a little confused about the world but by the end i was like, this is legit.


Rating: 5/5 shots. This book was just such a pleasure to read. I am so pleased to have read it.

What to pair it with: literally anything that's your fave.  beer probs. i feel best about fantasy and beer.

Monday, September 26, 2016

The Devil You Know

The Devil You Know
by Mike Carey

So, starting out: I read the first two books of the Dresden Files which follows a similar formula.  There's a guy who deals with supernatural stuff.  My problem is that the Dresden Files made it seem like everything was truly insurmountable, and at some point I got tired of the main character beign basically at deaths door.  This book didn't make every matter a life or death circumstance, though plenty were, which I enjoyed.  But for writing for this, I had a few Oktoberfest beers.  Woohooo it's Oktoberfest (which is celebrated in September even thought it's freakin Oktoberfest.... sure).  Had a "congratulations, you're moving to another law firm" celebration for a coworker.

Spoiler Free Plot
An exorcist gets called it to exorcise a ghost from an archive.  I feel like his landlord/friend is going to end up beign a bigger character later in the series but that's for another time.  As he tries to figure out what is going down with this ghost he starts to suspect a pimp, a member of the library archive and another exocist.  There's also a few people who work at the archive: Cheryl (who's sweet, but sassy,), Rich (who' basically the normal one), Jon (the guy who in high school would have sat in the corner by himself in all black) and the two supervisors.  Shit goes down.  As always.  This is a fun read because while things are life-threatening the book doesn't try to make you think he's going to die at every corner.  Also, it seems like the way the exorcisms happen are personal to the exorcist which isnt' something I woudl have expected (this is slightly out of the range of what I normally read, but...)  It follows a fairly normal paranormal plotline where things start minor and increase in scope but it doesn't get irritating to see how the scope increases.

Spoiler plot:

I would probably give this book a 3.5 out of 5 shots.  It's nothing particuarly new or groudbreaking within it'sgenre but I liked it better than other intstances of this genre (mainly the Dresden Files book - the second book was so tiring and I can't quite describe why...)

I'm having trouble coming up with a  drink for this book.  Mostly'I'm trying to come up with a type of alcohol that only works for a short period of time.  I was happy with the end of the book until it was over at which point I started to look back and it... this is vodka cranberry.  The most basic drink becuase you don't feel like drinking beer or wine but you want something simple that you don't have to think about and you sometimes but don't always regret it in the mornig... is that a good description?

I want to make it clear, I am reading the next book in this series (at least it's on my to read list, no promises that I'll get there).  I'm just not sure it was as satisvying an end as it could have been.  But then again,I'm just glad that death wasn't around every corner, even if dismembermenet was!

As always, happy readings,

Friday, September 23, 2016

Romancing the Duke

Romancing the Duke 
by Tessa Dare

I have to admit, I love romance novels. I will read them like crazy between the autobiographies and slightly heavier material becuase it is obvious what is going to happen. Clearly the main characters are going to fall it love. And by god I drank a number of Costco margaritas before I wrote this so I am wholey and totally into writing this review because dear god was this the right kind of ridiculous book.

Spoiler Free Plot:
This book is a bit absurt for so many reasons.  The main charaters are a  blind duke, who has decided to hide himself away from society becuase, reasons?  the other main character is the daughter of a famous childrens novelist (spoielrs behind the cut, duh) who is penniless but for various nefarious reasons inheirts the castle the duke is living in because yet again, reasons.  Romance novels are often  plot lines that revolve around things behind highly unlikelye and yet I love them anyway.  They decide to live in the castle together because they both think they own it, and get it on in the meantime (like that's any surprise... it's a goddamn romance novel... if they don't get it on it's probably because it's a 'Christian Romance Novel' or its written by my friend who is so pure that she blushes at someone saying blow-job in her general direction (which, yes, we do often becuase its funny)).  The rest of the plot is mostly unnecessary to describe becasue yet agarin romance novel.  Anyone who doesn't realize they end up happy in the end should email me for recommendations because dear lord, all romance novels end up happy).

Spoilered Plot:

I honestly don't know how to rate this.  It's fun, if  a bit silly book, but it breaks out of a few romance tropes.  Maybe a Riesling.  You know it's going to be sweet, but it has a bit of tartness that surprises you.  Maybe a 3.5 out of 5.  Cute, broke some tropes but not enough to make me really happy (though I coudl go with a 4 out of 5 if someone actually got me a reisling)

Drinking Suggestion:
Lot's of wine.  Choose one you like and start drinking.  This doesn't have lot of gratuitous scenes to maybe something softer, seriously my suggestion/rating of a reisling is a good idea. 

Happy Drinking, Ginny