The List by Patricia Forde

The List:
Novel by Patricia Forde;
Only words people can say;
A classic story of Noah and he Ark feat. catastrophe, survivors, new rules that're gonna help humanity survive and thrive and shit

Only thing is , survival requires the sacrifice of language. Ppl spend their whole lives knowing only 500 words, specifically chosen to support their careers: farmers know till, mulch; scientists know chemical, process; wordsmiths keep track of all the words, and haven't forgotten that there used to be more and that they used to be powerful.

I don't know what I would do if I couldn't use every word I know. My favorite thing behind cooking and sex and right before naps might be words, and it would take some kind of supremely jarring experience for me to sacrifice the hold they have on me, and I on them. in America in 2017 we're getting closer and closer to having to fight for them, to literally throwing hands for the right to speak truths. Like "The List"'s Letta, I'll fight for the freedom to use language how the fuck I very well please nahmean.

Protagonist Letta and the rest of Ark manage to do what their Lives require in this clipped, sad, sparse chirping called "List" ( as in "list of words you won't get killed if you say"), and are prohibited from enjoying anything that comes from or inspries emotion: no art, no music, and i think they're only allowed to bang like twice ever.

When this lil cute stranger dude, Marlo, shows up gunshot on her doorstep (typical) smelling like all kinds of herbs and shit, Letta (obviously a ginger) lets him in and stumbles a twisting web of lies and forgotten truths reveals itself to her. She learns about her family, herself, and just how far this Noah will go to "protect" the people of his Ark *wiggles eyebrows meaningfully*

Spoils:
Ruins, or becomes ruined;
Riches earned.

So Marlo is the resistance (¡VIVA!) and his squad of orgiastic (not really) saxophoning terrorist refugees remember way back when, before global warming raised sea levels worldwide, so high apparently that it left only pockets of humanity stranded and squabbling for a meager existence. Marlo and Letta are kind of a thing after she nurses him back to health, but never actually become one. the lack of an overt loveydovey plotline really felt like great restraint by Forde. It let the drama in the novel be the drama of what is fundamentally these people's cultural and literal survival, and I appreciate it.

Their "savior" Noah thinks that language is the root of all humanity's ills (after all, it was fancy words that dissuaded humanity from protecting earth before it was too late, smh) and he has a solution! Drop some poison in the water supply that erodes the frontal cortex and eliminates humans' ability to use language! adds up. Letta, Marlo, and the gang hatch a plot to prevent this bullshit. maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. read the book, dummy.

A huge thank you to Sourcebooks and Netgalley for allowing us to review this early. We were provided a free advanced copy in exchange for an honest review. Sourcebooks was kind enough to send us a set of poetry magnets to assist in our review. I spent 4 Doctor Who episodes working this out. See below =)

Style:
distinguishable traits
that thing Parker lacks

There's a lot of "oryx and crake" (Maggie Atwood) in here. thematic elements aside, there's a quietness, a sparseness that fits the subject matter. the 3rd person narrator is limited to just Letta, and the voice it attains feels genuine to my ear.

Rating:
4.85/5 forbidden "careless whisper" saxophone licks

Pairing:
moonshine, because it also makes me forget all my favorite words when I drink it

Read More

The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple by Sean Gibson

The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple by Sean Gibson

What I drank prior: I had a pretty long day of drinking. First we had Beer Olympics. WE came in 3rd, but that.... fine.... Then we all went out for a friend's birthday and drank/dance the night away. Currently in an Uberpool on the way home with a couple 21 year old swho think I'm 23. Which is really really really flattering. I'm hammert.

Spoiler-free Overview:
How does one begin to explain this story. Sean was kind enough to send me a copy for review through Goodreads. He is a fellow DC public transportation survivor and active goodreads reviewer. We like him i guess (winky face).

This story was written in a unique way. From what i gather it was written on long commutes as a serial choose-your-own type thing. After each chapter Sean says "what'll happen next? x/y/z?" and then i guess people-of-the-internet decided.

Heloise & Grimple are on an epic adventure to make Grimple not ugly anymore. APparently Grimple has been cursed by... something... idk what... and they can't make his ugliness go away. They set off to set it straight. In hysterical fashion.

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
This was probably the funniest story I've read in a long ass time. I'm not going to do my normal breakdown for this book, because this book is so not like anything else. Like, it's not super long, but it is FULLY action-packed, and unpredictable, and filled with laughs.

From hillgiants that don't look like hill giants to trolls (i think the one obsessed with Heloise was a troll... i can't look it up because i'm in a car) to evil, wizard... sorry Kevil, THE wizard, you get everytrhing. All the laughs, all the adventure, and it was exactly what I was looking for at the time.

You can get The Chronicles of Heloise & Grimple (according to GRs on Kindle Unlimited or on Amazin).

PS. Sean is awesome. The end.

PPS. I hear we get more soon?? I am pumped (and hammered, also hammered).

Rating: 4.5/5 Shots

What to pair it with: Tequila and Juice. I've been leaning more twoards that lately because I can down 'em in 2.8 seconds.

Until next time, I remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam

Read More

Parker's Booziebookathon TBR 2017

I'm wild (wild thoughts) excited for #booziebookathon on TOMORROW, and even though I'm having wild (wild) anxiety about life rn, I've managed to plot what I'm reading and how I'm gonna defeat the Huns- er, these challenges.

I'm taking a different tack from the bookathon I did in may, and I won't spend my hours pounding through much Epic fantasy; instead I'm going to try to eat as many full works as possible. Ostensibly le list is like:

Saga #3-end by Brian K. Vaughan and illustrated by Fiona Staples (Book w/ a romance aka wine)(graphic novel aka tequilaaaaa uy uy also I might separately read Persepolis for this bc I saw it on Ginny's shelf uy uy ¡orale!)

Gathering of Shadows- V.E. Schwab (book w/ competition aka brewskies; book in another country aka vodka; book with pirates aka rum)

Map of Time - Felix Palma (book set in the past bka whisky)

Shadowshaper and Shadowhouse Fall - DJ Older (middle grade aka Smirnoff shawty, nahmean)

White Boy Shuffle - Paul Beatty (book with a mythical creature aka absinthe),

Ancillary Sword- Ann Leckie (is just a cool ass book I'm looking forward to reading, so I'll have one of everything, please).

I think I'm hitting all my challenges (if only bc some books are hitting multiple targets, hehe, #tactics) and tbh I'm mostly excited to kick it with the willreadforbooze team. And quaff copious cups of quit-caring, amirite?!

(Editor's Note: See our announcement post here! We're excited for you to join us tomorrow!)

Till Saturday, dorks.
Parker

Read More

Of Cats and Men

Hey everyone, it’s been a while. Between Utah and getting back home I haven’t felt like getting properly sloshed but my little sister is about to graduate and I’m partying it up with the parents so woohoo, plenty of mixed drinks including weird martinis and things that are blue enough that I don’t know what to think about them.

This book was Of Cats And Men by Nina de Gramont

Spoiler Free Review: So I’m not sure how much there even is to spoil here. This is a collection of short storiesand I’ll be honest, I’m not big into short stories. Mostly because I’m generally a sci-fi fan and there’s enough world building required for sci-fi that it seems a bit ridiculous to me to bother with all the set up and then only have a few more pages of actual story line before everything is neatly tied up. These weren’t short stories and I was really conflicted. It’s called of Cats and Men because each story features a cat and the woman who loves them. To be quite honest the cats end up being sidepieces to the relationships between the women and their inevitable husbands/boyfriends/fiance’s and to a certain extent I got a little bit tired of the women.

I’m not saying that there isn’t a place for dramas of the home. There is certainly a place for htem, but with a title like “Of cats and men” I was kind of assuming that it woudlb e something a little bit humorous, and instead we ended up with a bunch of stories about women in happy or unhappy relationships with their men and it felt a little bit trite. There was a story about a woman whose shitty brother and law came to stay for an extended period. There was a story about a middle-class lady marrying a blue-collar working and coming to terms with the kind of life that leads to. There was a story about a woman who had left her first husband, her second husband died and she’s still pining over husband number one (who, oh yeah, she had left).

For me it came down to none of the people being particularly likable. It’s been, maybe two weeks since I read this book and I can’t remember a signle character name. Honesty I only remember the shape of the stories. The one that I remember the most is the one where the lady mentions she skied back in the day and the only reason I remember that is because I was excited because I ski…. And then she ended up being a totally horrible person.

The one story that I wanted to hear more about was the woman whose family had taken in the brother in law. He had clear problems and the woman and her husband were clearly trying to be helpful without knowing the best way to go about it. The wife was irritated that her otherwise perfect life was going ‘not-the-way-she-planned’ while the husband tended to avoid the issues. But the brother in law left a door open and the cat got out… Considering they’re all short stories and it’s maybe 20 pages, and this particular plot point is clearly telegraphed I’m not gonna bother with a spoiler section. But this was the one story where I wanted to know what happened. The story ended with the woman searching for her long lost cat. There’s a question as to whether it will be found… or if it’s lost forever, or dead. There’s a question as to if that will be the final straw for the brother-in-law’s ‘temporarty’ stay… It’s the ones tory where all the characters felt fleshed out and real in a way that I wanted to continue looking at. One story out of maybe six isn’t the best return.

Rating: Like I said I’m skipping the spoiler free section. The stories weren’t connected and when each story is just 20-some apges long I’m not gonna bother. This gets 2 out of 5 stars. Some of this is my own prejudiceof just not enjoying short stories. I didn’t realize that’s what this was going into it, but I wanted to finish it. The stories were just a bit disappointing. The few that were interesting seemed to cut off just at the point where I would have otherwise started to care. The relationships seemed mostly uninteresting to me… For someone else, I could understand this book being enjoyable, but it didn’t fit me.

Drink Suggestions: Oh shit, I really don’t know. It needs to be something suitably stuffy. This book feels like whiskey on the rocks. But not good whiskey. It feels like the kind of whiskey that someone would buy after they’ve decided they wanted to acquire a taste for whiskey, but on a budget. A quick google search says Rebel Yell is a crappy Frat boy whiskey so I’m going with that.

Read More

Ginny's Boozy-bookathon 2017 To-Be-Read!

Hey guys, I clearly stole this format from Sam, and we have very different ideas on how boozy is supposed to be spelled.  Womp womp womp. 

Will Read for Booze is hosting its inaugural #Booziebookathon on July 22nd! See our announcement post HERE for details and such.

Here are the challenges, and my TBR.

1. Saga by Brian K. Vaughan and illustrated by Fiona Staples
   This is a graphic novel that I've only heard good things about.  Straight up, the people at my comic book shop (because of course I have one, and I take full ownership of it) rave about this book.  It's one of the ones that they suggest to pretty much everyone (of a certain age, I believe there's a 'graphic' nature though I haven't read it yet so I'm not sure)
   
   Challenges met: Wine and Tequila (interest mix, that)
2. Apprentice Witch by James Nicol
   Sam literally just read this and absolutely loved it.  Basically she was the one who suggested that I read this, and I definitely trust her opinion at this point in time.  It sounds like the main character is a witch who hasn't done so well on her tests and ends up going on an adventure because of it.
   
   See her review here
   
   Challenges met: Smirnoff Ice and Absinthe
3. Looking for Group by Rory Harrison
   This is yet another book that I got from Sam (anyone noticing a trend here).  She got this in a box and it sounds like it could be up my alley.  A contemporary novel about a kid with cancer who appears to be in remission.  He plays a lot of World of Warcraft, and has a crush on the girl he meets there.  Also apparently there might be a boat involved.
   
   Challenges met: Beer and Rum
4. The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland and Led the Revels There by Catherynne M. Valente
   This is the second book in this series.  I read the first book at some point last year and it was a genuinely fun read.  I honestly don't know too much about the sequel, but I figured now would be a great time to give it a chance. 
   
   See my review of the Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making here
   
   Challenges met: Rum (you know, in case Looking for Group doesn't quite cover it)
5. Satellite by Nick Lake
   Ahhhh one of the books we received at bookcon.  It's always nice to start to work through these.  A kid has been raised on a satellite orbiting the earth.  For whatever reason they end up on earth and are going to have to try to survive. 
   
   (Editor's Note: We will be hosting a giveaway for this book! Follow us on Twitter @willread4booze for more details the day of!)
   
   Challenges met: Vodka 

I have no idea if I'm actually going to stick to this list, but it's always nice to have a plan.  Hope you're looking forward to our #BoozieBookathon as much as we all are!

Happy Drinking,
Ginny

Read More

The Apprentice Witch by James Nicol

The Apprentice Witch by James Nicol

What I drank prior: I had 5 beers at happy hour. With no food. It's a thing.

(Editor's note: Well i feel like crap this morning...)

Spoiler-free Overview:
So yeah, there's this girl, she goes for her witch's exam and she gets a weird reading. So because of this she ends up as an apprentice at this town called Lull.  This town in the past has had little no no issues but as soon as our MC Arianwyn shows up so do a bnch of other things. There's a scary dark wood. We see a lot of signs that show it's a lot more than she expected and things go from there.

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
I loved this book. Its very reminiscent of HP1 in that there's a villain, we don't know what it is but we know it's coming, typw of story. And the MC has a lot to overcome.

Characters: The MC Arianwyn is amazing. SHe's very well developed. Her supporting characters... not so much.  But her best friend, Salle, is cute. Her frenemy Gimma is super annoying, intentionally. Also, I love the 'adults' in this book. While we don't know how old Wyn is, its pretty clear who the 'adults' are. The district supervisor is sterotypically quirky but also fiercely loyal and i loved that. The other supporting characters are great too.

Plot:  As far as plot goes, its pretty typical, there's a Big Bad they have to defeat. But what makes this story differnt is that we don't know what the Big Bad is until 2/3 the way through the book and it's not what you'd expect. I'm down for it. Also, I never felt bored. THe story was well paced and i gobbled it up.

Writing Style: Pretty great. It's done well enough that i can see what's goin on without spoiling the story. I always love when that happens.

Rating: 3.5/5 Shots. I loved it. Its a middle-grade story that will last throughout the ages,

What to pair it with:  Red wine. I love red wine.

COMMENT DOWN BELOW: What stories have you gobbled up recently?

Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam

PS. Also, if you haven't signed up for #Booziebookathon 2017 on July 22, see our announcement post here.

Read More

Sam's #Booziebookathon 2017 TBR

Hello all!

Will Read for Booze is hosting its inaugural #Booziebookathon on July 22nd! See our announcement post HERE for details and such.

Here are the challenges, and my TBR.

1. The Rose and the Dagger by Renee Ahdieh
   This is the sequel and concluding novel to The Wrath and the Dawn duology. I finished the first one during Dewey's 24H Readathon last April and I cannot wait to see how it ends. These characters are my precious children and I will fight anyone who comes near them.
   
   See my review for The Wrath and the Dawn.
   
   Challenges met: Wine, Vodka, Whisky
   
2. The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherynne M. Valente
   Virginia read this last year and I've been trying to pick it up for a long time. This is a middle-grade story about a girl who gets an unexpected visitor claiming he needs her help to save Fairyland.
   
   See Virginia's review here
   
   Challenges met: Rum, Smirnoff Ice
   
3. Paper Girls Vol. 1 by Brian K. Vaughn and Cliff Chiang
   This is a graphic novel I picked up at BookCon this year. I adore the Saga series by Brian K. Vaughn so I anticipate I will feel the same here. Paper Girls follows a couple of delivery girls who end up going on some adventures.
   
   Challenges met: Tequila
   
4. Dividing Eden by Joelle Charboneau
   Twins fighting for the throne. Politics, tournaments, and much much more. Very excited for this one. I was recommended by Amber on Twitter (@dulivre) and I am pumped.
   
   Challenges met: Absinthe, Beer

Let me know what you guys are planning on reading down in the comments below!!

Until then, I remain forever drunkenly yours,

Sam

Read More

Booziebookathon 2017 Announcement

ATTENTION FELLOW BOOZIE BOOK LOVERS!!!

Will Read for Booze has decided to pull together a 24-hour BoozieBookathon. We're a bunch of drunks (obviously) and we love reading (double-obviously) so we've decided to combine the two into a marathon!

Here's the deal - on July 22nd-23rd from 8am-8am EST we're going to be reading, and drinking, and posting, and tweeting. And its gonna be awesome.

Our hosts

• ME,
• The outrageous, notorious, and infamous Parker,
• The lovely Miss Virginia,
• and several of our bookclubbin' friends

If you're interested in joining us, please sign up HERE and use #booziebookathon on Twitter! We'll be following all day, hosting power hours (AKA reading sprints), and chatting all day.

We've come up with a couple challenges. You CAN double up on challenges, this is meant to be fun, not get the highest number of books. Also note that you don’t have to actually drink while your reading, nor do you have to actually drink the substance your challenge is for.

We are so excited to do this you guys and hope that you can join us in our boozie book adventure!


via GIPHY

We'll be doing TBR posts soon! Let us know down below what YOU will be reading.

Until then, we remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam

Read More

The Gentleman Bastard's Series by Scott Lynch

The Gentleman Bastard Series by Scott Lynch

1. The Lies of Locke Lamora
2. Red Seas Under Red Skies
3. Republic of Thieves

What I drank prior: It's Doctor night, I had a bunch of beers. Watched the season finale and cried a lot.

Spoiler-free Overview:
How do i begin to explain this series. The Gentleman Bastards are a group of theives who plan elaborate schemes and then get themselves into so serious shit. Their fellow thieves start disappearing, the King Thief is getting scared by this person called the Grey King. He's taken responsibility for the disappeared folk. Locke gets wound up into this mystery and blackmailed into being directly involved. ALSO, we get to see the origin story of the orphan Locke and how he became a Gentleman Bastard by being taken under the wing of a Priest of the Thieves, Father Chains.

I obviously can't go into more

Spoiler-free Thoughts:

These books are brilliantly bound. Each has its own plot arc but there's an overarching plot that spans all three books. Its intricate, well planned, well thought out, well developed, and just beautiful.

Characters: I really enjoy these characters. Locke, Jean, the Sansa boys, and Bug make an excellent team of thieves. A well-oiled machine set to steal fortunes from the city's nobility. Capa Barsavi is a benevolent but also vicious ruler of the underworld. And the Grey King/Bondsmagi are worthy opponents. They are all well developed characters with unique arcs and growth.

However, notice how there are no women I mentioned? That's because there are no women MCs in the first book. Other problematic shit happens to women in this series which I will vent about in the spoilers. Just know there is problematic content but its not indigestable. In fact, I still love it regardles..

Plot: THe plot builds on itself and is intricate and well written. Locke is one of those #alwaysonestepahead characters and its executed perfectly. They try and continue the scheme while also dealing with a Bondsmage, a magician who can basically make you do anything by knowing your True Name (reminds me of Eragon). Also, the back story is very well done. I was as invested in the past as i was in the "present."

Spoilerssssss

Alrighty. So I really loved these books. I loved Calo and Galdo they are my favorite, and I actually cried when they died in book 1. I loved the mystery and the scheming and the Big Bad Bondsmagi. I adored how no matter what, Locke just couldn't get out of trouble lol.

Book 1:

YO! Why are all the women plot devices? The twin girls were the sisters of the Grey King? Had to die. The daughter of Capa Barsavi? Had to die for the revenge arc. This mystery woman Locke is in love with? Doesn't show up. The wife of the noble they're duping? Stupid. All the other women? Hookers. ALL except one. She's the fucking villain. And not even a formidible one.

However, I really did love this book. It took twists that I was not expecting. The Grey King is VICIOUS. Fucking Vicious. I also really loved the Barsavi carpet story. Like, who thinks of that shit? The mystery of it all was so good. It was unpredictable and I loved it.

Book 2:

I really liked the original scheme in this one and I wanted it to work so badly. How cool was it to cheat at that alcohol game with a powder?? Because they knew their opponent was a gluttonous person (also a woman). Also, the guy who poison's them? What an actual dick.

But I like the sailing aspect. The Captain (a woman who lives to see the end of the book thank god) is awesome. The First Mate (a woman who again DOESN'T live to see the end of the book) is a brilliant partner for Jean. Poor Jean. He's usper smart but you've got Locke who's just determined to be a martyr or die for whatever reason. Locke bothered me at the end of this book. Also you have to have a cat and a woman on the boat or its bad luck? Brilliant.

Book 3:

I have so many thoughts on this book. Firstly, I HATE Sabetha. Hate her. With a firey passion of ten thousand suns. What a shit woman. She's #damaged which makes her #untrusting and #cruel. Uh, did she, or did she not, have the same upbrining as Locke? She came from the same place. Sure, she was raised with men/boys, but girl, calm your tits. I also hate the Bondsmagi Patience. I'm supposed to, but I really just want more than one woman I like who lives. Please?

Thirdly, I loved the game in this haha. It was so relevant considering we just had an election that had weird results. The pranks were super cute. The fact tthey could put aside their love for eachother (which is another thing i disliked - but only because it involved Sabetha) both romantically and platonically, and have it out? How neat is that. Also, this mystery that's scaring the Magi? Color me interested.

So.... can anyone tell me when book 4 is coming? I can't find it on the internet? I need it right now.

Rating: 4/5 Shots

What to pair it with: A great light beer. Like you keep drinking them thinking you're good and then all of a sudden you're hammered and you have no idea why.

COMMENT DOWN BELOW: What did you think of Sabetha? Do you enjoy a heist story when you know the plan or when it surprises you?

Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam

PS. Also, if you haven't signed up for #Booziebookathon 2017 on July 22, see our announcement post here.https://willreadforbooze.blogspot.com/2017/07/attention-fellow-boozie-book-lovers.html

Read More

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

(Editor's Note: Parker was on day 3 of a weekend bender. HS reunions, Booze Cruises, Birthday Parties.... He was hammered)

Blake Crouch fucked me all up with Dark Matter. I was hooked from the first chapter and sacrificed sleep, night after (exactly two) night(s) to read as much of it(all of it) as my called for. Dark Matter is a true scifi novel, bringing readers to learn about a science between the covers, but it's true strength is how it gets you to suspend your disbelief about the fresh learning you just did. plus, there are shootouts and makeouts and hypodermic needles and powerful, suspenseful drama to hold it all together. I love it because we meet characters and care for them deeply, and in the meantime, there are experimental phisics.. It's satisfying af.

Plot: our man's Jason is a physics professor in Chicago with a hot artist wife he knocked up 14 years ago their kid is a kid, or something, nbd.. Our Jason is smart but lazy; he chose family over accolades; he luh his family; he's a good fucking guy or something.. Then he gets like abducted, and funds himself in a world where everyone knows his name.. <·<. >·>. as someone else.. The like richest smartest boys besty pushingest physicist of all time. Hilarity ensues

Writing style: Crouch takes us on a goddam worlwhind in this novel. The dialogue and world building both feel razor sharp and real, and they they fit eath other exqusitely. As much as Crouch gives us physics and metaphysics, he serves up punchlines like Serena Williams. The novel is FUNNY. Plus there's a roughness of tone and in the characters' personalities that reminds me of my friends and of nhow my friends talk.. Makes for reeeally consumable dialogue.

(Editor's Note: not actually Spoilers) Spoilers : these are shchrodinger's spoilers.. As soon as you read them, they disappear.

Pairing : lysergic acid diethylamide tincture in a cream soda.

Rating 4.967/5 shots of macallan single malt whisky, because this was perfect and I knew it, and even if someone does't know enough to appreciate all the intiricacies that make it such, they'll get a kick out of the wild ride this novel takes us on.

PS. Also, if you haven't signed up for #Booziebookathon 2017 on July 22, see our announcement post here.

Read More

P Finishes Wheel of Time (Part 3)

A Memory of Light by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson is the 14th novel out of 14 in the Wheel of Time series. My drunk ass read all of em. aintnobodygottime for 14 reviews, so I chunked them; find the first WOT review here, and the second WOT review here, if you want the whole thang.

NOTE: if this post makes less sense than usual, its bc I’m writing from the lawn at Firefly music festival between bouts of having my fuggin brains blown out through myeardrums. It’s far more exquisite than it sounds.

How do you imagine the end of the world would be? Smarter men than I have asked and written about that question. Wheel of Time lives in that question. In their world of mysticism and wonder, Sanderson and Jordan have challenged us to wonder who we'd be in those moments. Would you sprint at death smiling, gambling the weight of humanity with every die cast? Would you dare love? Courage the cowardly dog did, and it fucked him all up too.

I was so glad and so sad to reach the end of this tome. Sam tells me it was a few million words, thousands of POVs. I powered through all 14 in like 6 MONTHS and I regret nothing. I read while driving, I read on dates, I read a work; not because I had to finish but we I could not stop learning about the kaliedescope of characters that were brillaintlywove into the pattern.

Specifically about 'A Memory of Light'. I was so blown away the chessmatches, the comedy, the pace made my mad dash reading the stuff feel like it was part of the narrative. We fly from one battle front from another to see heroes made of the characters we’ve met over the course of the books. We get hearts ripped out and our souls buoyed by the bravery of simple men. Also a LOT of trollocs get blown tf up. At the end there’s a battle and somebody wins but I wont tell you howwwww muahahahaha

SPOILAHZ

Rand wins.

Lol I mean come on we all knew it was coming. That wasn’t what was important to me though, as much as I had t osee what happened. I loved the weaving that got us there, that brought Perrin and Rhuarc in the wolf dream to fight the demon dogs or whatever. I loved Mat showing up just in time to kill Padan Fain who for some reason showed back up in the last like 30 pages. I loved Olver, all alone in the blasted lands, harried by trollocs, ducking and dodging blowing the Horn to recall the heroes. I loved Egwene. I loved her for her brilliance and her bravery and her sacrifice killing the dickbag Mazrim Taim who has for sooooloonnggg needed a good stabbing. Did I weep? Bitch no, YOU WEPT, I was just, you know, washing my face, in vertical lines from my tear ducts.

I loved that Rand gets a chance to decide at the end of the story, that he gets a chance to be who he wants to be instead of who he was forced to be by the fucking, like, universe’s battle with itself. As he wanders into the distance I have no choice but to 1. Plot the Min/Aviendha lesbian fanfic I’ve been dreaming of since they first bonded over a bottle of oosoqoi or whatever and 2. Wonder at how far he came in the like 2 years since trollocs first ran up on him in the Two Rivers. Jesus what a yarn this was.
End Spoilahz

Favorite books (as far as I can remember)

• 14
• 12
• 1
• 6-7
• Fight me.

Pairing: green dragon. It sits in your closet for months and when ya open it & drink, it takes you to another world. And fucks you up in it. All the way up.

19/10 shots; would recommend to anyone who wants to be challenged by language and a subtle plot and has the time to read exquisite character development

PS. Also, if you haven't signed up for #Booziebookathon 2017 on July 22, see our announcement post here.

Read More

Their Fractured Light by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner

Their Fractured Light by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner

What I drank prior:
A whole bottle of wine... by myself... on a Friday night... in about an hour.

Spoiler-free Overview:
This is the conclusion to the Starbound trilogy/companion books/whatever they are. I can't go into too much here because spoilers but there is a new couple in this one with new POVs and they're still tryna defeat the Big Bad Whispers.

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
I really and honestly don't know why these books slipped through the filter. I usually hate this kind of stuff but oh em gee these books are a cheese fest and I am TRASH FOR THEM. We know how this works now right? The finale did not disappoint.

Characters:
New characters (Gideon and Sofia) for kissy parts and angst and lovey dovey stuff and it's so good. Back stories work, relationship is flawed but works, etc. ALSO I get my precious children from the other two books back. Yesssss.

Plot:
Very well done. Didn't see some of it coming. Loved it.


Spoilers:

SUCKS TO BE DADDY. Like look, I really do not blame Rogue Whisper at all. What a great way to show how one can be corrupted over time. What a better way to show that the individual does not always represent the whole.

What to pair it with: piña colada. On the beach. With a sexy person next to you. You know... for the kissy parts.

Rating: 5/5 Shots.

COMMENT DOWN BELOW: What's your guilty pleasure? Do you enjoy trashy YA romances in space?

Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam

PS. Also, if you haven't signed up for #Booziebookathon 2017 on July 22, see our announcement post here.

Read More

Mask of Shadows by Linsey Miller

Mask of Shadows by Linsey Miller

I'd like to thank Netgalley for the chance to review this book early in exchange for an honest review.

What I drank prior: I went to my kickball game and played 3 hours of beer pong. No idea the number of beers but I am drunk.

Spoiler free overview: 
So this thief kid hears about the competition to be one of four of Our Queen's assassin. Thing about the thief kid (Sal) is that they are gender fluid and a citizen of the nation murdered in the war. Anyway. They join this competition and everything goes from there.

Spoiler free thoughts: 
This story is so well done. It's often that I read an assassin story that's all "I don't *want* to be an assassin but I gotta for reason xyz" but this story isn't that. Sal just wants to get out of being a thief and is all about serving Our Queen. I looooved this.

Plot: really though. My only con is that I felt like I could skim a bit of the text while only reading the dialogue. But I find that I catch myself doing that often. That's a Sam thing and not a book thing. The plot was super fast paced and intriguing through the whole bit. LOCED it.

Characters: Sal was so great. They explained the whole gender fluid bit really well. Specifically which pronoun to use when. Sometimes she was she and other times he was he but if you were ever confused it was they. ADDITIONALLY the other characters were fleshed out enough that I created a bond with them and was connected to them. There were so many but I felt the feels necessary. The villain was a goooood villain.

World bulldog (editor's note: woah I was drunk): very well done. Explaining the Shadows and what led to the destruction of Sal's people.

This book comes out on September 5th. You can get it here.

What to pair it with: a great craft beer

Rating: 5/5 shots for fucking sure.

COMMENT DOWN BELOW: What are some recommendations you have of books with gender fluid characters?

PS. Also, if you haven't signed up for #Booziebookathon 2017 on July 22, see our announcement post here.

Read More

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!

What I drank prior:
It's kickball playoffs. Yes I wrote three posts while I was on the train home. No you're not allowed to judge me for it.

Spoiler-free Overview:
Basically this curmudgeon wants to die cause his wife died 6 months ago. He is an old man set in his ways, taking his walks every morning making sure that no one stays in the 24 hour parking more than 24 hours, checking the signs are straight, etc. He's also obsessed with Saab (like my daddy). But this new coupe moves into town with their two annoying ass kids but HEY Ove just wants to join his wife.

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
Look. I didn't get why everyone loved this book until I read it. The minimalist style is one of the most unique things I've ever read but I adored it. Also. Mama read it for book club because she was gonna be in town for our meeting and she loved it too.

Characters:
How do I even? Okay so Ove was the best cranky old guy anyone could ever ask for. The family was awesome. It's just. I just loved it.

Plot:
So this was the best part. There were moments where he didn't explixently say what happened but the author allowed you to determine what happened on your own terms. I felt so gratified it that the author trusted me enough to fill in the blanks. Just hank you.
RaLly everyone should give this boo a chance. Even if you're not in to contemporary. It's just wonderful.

What to pair it with: vodka. The best kind.

Rating: 5/5 Shots.


COMMENT DOWN BELOW: Are you a fan of the minimalist style of writing? What are your favorite kinds?

Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam

PS. Also, if you haven't signed up for #Booziebookathon 2017 on July 22, see our announcement post here.

Read More

The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh

The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh

What I drank prior: I am on the train back from kickball. It was a big night. We won the first round of playoffs :)

Spoiler-free Overview:
This is a retwlling of a thousand and one nights. The king marries and kills a different chick every night. Our main character Shahrzad decides she wants to try her luck and marries him. She tells him a story and survives the first night. Everything kind of goes from there.

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
I completely thought that I was gonna think this was a cheese fest and hate it. I fucking adored this book. Read it during Dewey's 24hr readathon in a couple hours and these people are now my precious children and all of you can fight me about t.

Characters:
I LVOE THEM. Seriously all of them. They are very well developed. We know the motivations behind all of them. And we grow with them. I just love it.

Plot:
The pacing was good. I only know that because I real it in one sitting and I didn't even care. I was curious enough about what was going to happen next that reading it in one sitting was perfect.

Writing Style:
It's beautiful. The end.

Just fucking read it. I cannot wait for the final installment.

Pairing: a super fine red wine. Like the kind you spend more than $15 on.

Rating: 5/5 Shots. DUH

COMMENT DOWN BELOW: I know we're late to the party for this duology. What did you think? Also, what are your fave guilty pleasure books?

PS. Also, if you haven't signed up for #Booziebookathon 2017 on July 22, see our announcement post here.

Read More

House of Leaves by Mark Z Danielewski

House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

What I drank prior:
Been deinkin by myself watching The Wire because I didn't want to leave my house. I am one bottle of Pinot Noir down.

Disclaimer: I'm writing on my phone so let's see how autocorrect does.


Spoiler-free Overview:
How do I even begin to describe this book? I think the main premise is this couple Navidson and Karen move to Virginia into this house with their two kids. Soon they notice that the fuckin house is bigger on the inside than the outside (LIKE THE TARDIS FINISH YOUR DRINK). Then a door shows up in the hallway that seems to be an endless space that has no business being in a house. Things go from there.

BUT THATS NOT ALL! Apparently, this story was 'a documentary' that my man Zampano, an old blind man in the 1990s got his hands on. He writes this analysis about the Navidson Record (the house story) complete with footnotes. Still with me? There's more.

Zampano dies at the beginning of the story (not a spoiler its in the fuggin intro). Whereby my little nugget Johnny finds the manuscript. And he's made his obsession completing the manuscript Z left unfinished. We get footnotes from him too, but they're more like anecdotes about his life. You get to learn about a story within a story within a story essentially.

TL;DR: it's fucking complicated.


Spoiler-free Thoughts:
This book fucked me up. On Goodreads, one of the questions asked "how do you read this book?" Which is totally legit, do you read the manuscript and he footnotes together? Or each individually? The answer (summed up) was "at home with the lights on and your big scary dog on the bed with you." Sums it up nicely.

Fucked. Me. Up

Side note: This books is so complicated you can only get it I. Paperback. Not eBook, not mass market papwrback, not audio, the fuckin giant paperbacks.

Characters:
Uh... how do I talk about this? So the folks in the house were great. Very well developed, and Jesus, went through more than I ever would tolerate. Zampano was neat but what I loved more what's how much Johnny glorified him over time. Johnny... my precious precious Johnny. My heart goes out to you.


Plot:
I still have nightmares and think about it all the fucking time. There's a cult following for this book apparently...


Writing Style:
So like Illuminae, this story is written in such a unique format. Takes some getting used to but once you figure it out it's not that difficult. I would recommend you dedicate your full attention to it, no commutes or with the tv on.


Rating: 5/5 fucking flaming shots.



What to pair it with: Whatever fucking trips you out. For me? It's Gin, I get weird when I drink gin...

Read More

Zombie Bigfoot by Nick Sullivan

Zombie Bigfoot by Nick Sullivan



What I drank prior:
8 beers? Idk I lost count its Doctor night and there were a bunch of sonic screwdrivers.


Spoiler-free Overview:
Okay, so this takes place in the woods somewhere in the middle of nowhere where there's a lot of Big Foot lore. There's a group of researchers and their mission is to find Big Foot. Next POV is an actual Big Foot. I know... hang on a second. Big Foot kid sees some crazy shit and his Alpha ends up getting bit by some crazy blood-lusting human. See where I'm going here? Alpha starts turning into a Zombie... scares the shot out of the pack. Things go from there, basically humans and Big Feet(?) have to work together to not get Zombie-fied and shit goes down.


Spoiler-free Thoughts:
Let me start by saying I'm not a huge zombie fan but this book was hysterical. Very clearly satire and it was...interesting.


Characters:
The main characters were pretty good and well developed. There are multiple POVs to include randomly selected and introduced zombie fodder.


Plot:
I think it was pretty predictable but it was meant to be.

Anyway, I found it to be a quick read with some point where I am literally LOLing. Eye rolling will be inevitable, and ya know. Zombie and Sasquatch... what could be better?



Rating:
3/5 Shots. But only if you can see how it was meant to be read. Otherwise ya know...

What to pair it with: beer. The only thing you can THINK to drink while sitting around a camp fire listening to a Sasquatch-goes-zombie story.

I remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam

Read More

Serafina and the Twisted Staff by Robert Beatty

Serafina and the Twisted Staff by Robert Beatty

What I drank prior: A bottle of wine and at least 7 beers... what am I to do?

Spoiler-free Overview:
Look.... This is middle grade. So there's that. But anyway. So after what happened in the last book, we have Serafina, the awsome girl, and the nephew of the awesome dude trying to find out what's going on in this world. So there's shit going down.... animals are goin nuts, some weird guy is showing up and hungting down Serafina. In disguise and stuff, just like the last book. She's gotta figure out who it is and why.... ALL OF A SUDDEN there's a new wild character like her, a boy... dun dun dunnnnnn. She's left to determine where she belongs.

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
I adored this. Mr. Beatty has done it again. What a brilliant middle gade.

Characters:
They are still wonderful. Sera's conflict, Braeden's conflict, THE UNCLE. Man, he's such a great character. He takes care of his own and I love it. I had to remind myself not to be super suspicious of characters because its middle grade... because how oftern do we find good parental figures in fantasy huh? Rarely if ever. Also liked te newly introduced characters.

Plot:
Also wonderful. great story while leaving it open for more.

Rating: 4/5 Shots.

What to pair it with: Red wine. Something with a good body, because  man, this book was excellent and well rounded and beautiful.

Read More

Infomocracy by Malka Older

Infomocracy by Malka Older

What I drank prior:
A whole bottle of wine and eight beers. No judgement. Please. (Autocorrect is my best friend)

Spoiler-free Overview:
So the internet had taken over everything including elections. BUT the world is filled with micro-democracies. Basically, every 100,000 people are districted and each district has its own government. ALright alright, hang on hear me out. There not ALL individual governments, for example, there's one called Heritage and they have what's called "the super majority." They have the most districts on the planet. Elections happen every 10 years and in this story, the election is a couple months away. There are policy-focused governments, enviro-friendly governments, even product-focused governments (Coca-cola and Philip Morris are two examples).  Anyway, there are two MCs, one works for Information (the internet) and one works for a government's campaign. Election is coming, conspiracies happen, they gotta figure it out.

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
This book was slow, but it's because it required so much world building. I thought it was such a great concept that made me think long and hard about what's goin on in our current political environment. And by that i mean, i prefer literally anything to what we have right now. fuggin President Flagrant Citrus Fruit...

This book inspired many a conversation with co-workers and friends. These people aren't big readers but it was so interesting to me that i had to bring it up. Can you imagine the gov't run by Phillip MOrris?

Characters: 

POC?!?! GASP NOT POSSIBLE. Buckle up, its done and its really not a big deal. In fact, it makes perfect sense in this globalized world. It's too often I find sci-fi books written where there are blue people but no hispanic or black people. Thank you, Malka, just thank you.

I really liked the characters. I didn't realize i did though until the very end when it was over.

Mishima is a well written woman. I mean, i didn't expect her to be poorly written, but ive been reading some really shitty written women lately so it was refreshing.

Ken was alright. He's no Mishima, but he got the job done. Doesn't help that's my dad's name so its tough for me to re-brand that name in my head.

Domaine - the secondary though not without POV character, I couldn't get behind. But anyone will tell you I'm not a fan of hippie-dippie shit. He was a nice balancing character though, to the other two fully committed to this new way of government.

Plot:
So this plot was super slow burn. Its basically a mystery book about who's corrupting the election, on a fuggin global scale. While it was slow burn, i never felt bored. I was always trying to figure out who done it.

World Building:
THIS is where the book shines. It's not super info-dumpy... (see what I did there?)... and its not super-confusing. We get just enough detail when we need it. Big fan

Rating: 4/5 Shots.

What to pair it with: Scotch? Though, I'n not a fan of scotch, but i feel like its what you're supposed to drink whilst sitting around a fire theorizing about a new way. I bet Hamilton drank a hella lot of scotch.

Read More

A Darker Shade of Magic by VE Schwab

A Darker Shade of Magic by VE Schwab

What I drank:
Finished my bottle offireball then:

Me: are there more beers in the fridge or is this empty case really empty?
Linz: you def can make a podcast, you need to take the next step in your evolution. but we need a decent space to record
Same: totally, we should read the same books for once and actually be a book club
Me: thaaats not what I asked. Takes a drink.
Sam: buffalo. (again).

Soooooooooooo several? (editor's note: the above interaction is accurate)

Sugar free thoughts (and a note. I’m 10/14 books into Wheel of Time by Brandon Sanderson and I’m having a hard time transitioning back to fiction that doesn’t pay the aauthor by the syllable and therefore doesn’t get googobs of world/character building. I’m real sorry if my ear has thusly been ruined by some of the best American Fiction Ever Written):

So imagine Hogwarts, right. But every character not in the Royal family is high-key poor. It’s like if aberforth’s London was secretly Moscow, but with a way better relation with the Crimean peninsula. You following me still? Me neither. Magic doesn’t play nice and the world is 11% “the matrix.” The Antari, a race of (almost/mostly/former?) humans, are basically the KGB, and the Danes? Oh the Danes are murderous narcissists, so basically Death Eaters, amirite.

Lols abound and our female character is a willful subject, and sassy to boot. Darker Shade is a fun lil read. As the great sage and Nicki Minaj divorcee Sir Meek Mill once proffered, “It’s levels to this shit.”

Double mint plot:
Aight aight aiight, so kell is a wizard, harry, he’s one of two Antari in the whole world. he travels the various, separate-but-linked-by-magic Londons. He meets this lil shawty, Lila, who is the scrappiest lil fella. Yadda yadda yadda, kell’s gotta save the world; maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t; this is apparently the first of a trilogy; his one brother’s a dick, but a pretty dick with like sparkles and well manicured nuts, this other Antari dude is also a dick, but like a gnarly one; I don’t remember semi0colon rules anymore; also what was I talking about?

Doublemint Main characters:

Lila’s a badass pick pocketing androgynous badass. She like knives and guns and freedom and boats and a nice pint of ale, and killing people, but that last one only a little bit, just enough to survive.

Kell’s the prince’s adopted brother. He’s the pureblood magic frowny heartthrob ya ddint know ya didn’t care about. He’s a good guy. I think I mean that as a pejorative.

All the Londons have kings and queens and they range from dumb and decrepit to the evil twins from the matrix with the dreads who chase neo and the team down the highway blwing shit up. All the royars are a metaphor/snapshot for the world they live in, which I litrally just realized, and which is neat

Doublemint Writing:
the hinge point of this novel is the various worls that sit atop eachother. Each world is distinct and has its own perils. It’s an interesting world, that I wish was painted a little more fully, or clearly or something. All the sentences in the book are about this long. I really thought this was a YA novel for like the first 70 pages.

Gahdamn spoilers:

Lila’s a wizard harry, we don’t know it but we know it. Also literally everything in this novel I seent coming. Lila wants kell, but just a lil bit, cuz she’s streetwise and a tough cookie to crack. Kell’s gonna agnstily fall slowly for lila after she saves his life again (again). Sike! They’re both emotionally unavailable! And we’re out of pages!The shady, poorly defined antagonist who could have been way more complex was merely a pawn for the also piece of shit rulers, who manipulate the annoyingly hot halfbrother-daddy’s boy prince in an attempt to *Pinky & the Brain Voice* TRY AAND TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

The best character in this book is Black London Magic. It’s voracious, clever as fuck, and really drives everything else that happens. It has an insidiousness and intelligence that is creepy and amazing it’s probly the antagonist of the second two books in the series, and that feels like a really easy guess. I literally hope I’m wrong.

Rating: 3.45/5 shots of Smirnoff vodka because I’d probably be way more drunk if I was 15

Comparison: a good bourbon. Like a weird one. Because you got recommended it, and drank it and it was gross fro like the first 1/3sip, but then you like, “oh. Wait. That’s bit at the end there was nice. Suddenly I want to try this again. So I guess I’ll read the sequel. Maybe that random weird shit will come through stronger the second time.”

Read More

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Americanah, by Chimananda Adichie

What I drank. A frew (9?) brews, and about 20 mins ago I chugged half a bottle of wine so, who I’ll probably have to hurl in a few seconds. Buckle up. (Editor's Note: he did not, in fact, hurl)

Spoiler free plot overview: ya girl ifem is a Nigerian who moves to the states for a *scarequotes* “better life”, and as she does so, she interacts with the many contradictions that americanness entails. When we meet her, she’s a wildy successful blogger movingfrom her job at Princeton, back home to Nigeria, after spending about a decade in the US. Throughout the course of the novel, She encounters racism, sexism, and classism from a perspective that is colored by her perspective as an African immigrant. Even this is fraught; some of her contemporaries are “scammers”, some are idealogeus, some are college professors. Ifem has a kind of second coming of age in East Coast Liberal America, which is interesting as fuck. She watches the Obama campaign and presidential election from a unique perspective that is hella interesante.

Spoiler free thoughts: I’m having a great convo with my good friend about what it means to comment on a fictional story that isn’t about you. For her, writing about a novel like Americanah or Homegoing or The Hate U Give felt like an overstepping of bounds, like the story wasn’t for you and even though you learned from it it, in talking about it, you’d be retelling it uglily, bastardizing it. Now, she and I agree: that sometimes a story that isn’t “for you”, that your reading is tangential, and while not inconsequential, is irrelevant. Oh you read it? Sweet. Good for you. We also disagreed, to this end: a story that isn’t yours can still affect you, can still spread its energies through your eyes to your friends’ eyes and thus into their lives. Americanah is where I found that ground, because it’s a story that is in so many ways “for” me but not about me. but anyway the...

...Plot is kind of stationary, not a lot “happens”, but that’s not what drives the novel. It’s all about Ifem and her experiences, and whereas they are informative, they do not necessarily drive the action, far more compelling are the...

...Characters. Our cast is wildly diverse, and intentionally so. This is not a novel where one can pontificate about the symbolism of one certain character bc all have a value here. Ifem’s first love Obinze, her aunt and fellow American expatriate, Uju, and Uju’s son Dike, Hot White Boyfriend Kurt, and a whole host of (intentionally) forgettable Americans help to compose a tapestry of identity and (be)longing that is made tactile by the...

...Writing syle: ifem’s blog posts are interwoven with the third person narrator. The narrator’s limitations highlight Ifem’s shortcomings and fears, and the blogposts that intersperse the novel highlight the identity crises that the protagonist undergoes. They are rarely topical, that is, they rarely “fit” the chapter that they go in, but the light that they shed is illuminating, all redundancy intended. They are witty and irreverent, to boot.

Separately and crucially to me, she writes about the 2008 Obama campaign, and holy fucking shit, I wept on a plane three separate times during that one chapter. I’m literally crying over my favorite episode of Dr Who rn because I’m reflecting on the thoughts I had those nights, nights I had forgotten about, or contextualized before she brought them back to the surface. It’s just powerful, powerful stuff.

Spoilers, honey:

She OBVIOUSLY ends up back with obinze. Thtats ostensibly WHY she goes back home in the first place. I’m not NOT annoyed, because Adichie writes the shit out of it. It’s complicated and has a lot to do with the flawed humanness that this novel is allabout I think, but I feel like I saw it comin, and wasn’t happy asbout it, even tho Ifem and Obinze were. He has a wife and kid but they still carve time out (of) for eachother. I mean its beautiful or whatever.

Rating (in brews) uhhhhhhhhhh 4.3/5 all-day ipa’s (Founder’s) because it took a while to build momentum, but then I realized I was largo sauced.

Pairing: tequila, triple sec and mango, because this feels like a summer, tropical novel, and especially at the end, there’s a complicated and inevitable pull of two lovers together that can only be recreated by tequila or, perhaps, a comet.

Read More

The Hero of Ages

Hey everyone, long time no write.

I'm debating whether or not to do a review of the second book because apparently I reviewed the first book (thanks Sam for reminding me?  Also here's a link) and I might still do it (I guess we'll see).  Regardless, I'm finally on the right coast, both literally and figuratively and it's good to be home and writing while Parker and Sam are nearby. It's increidbly comforting to listen to them debate while I"m attempting to write in a way that is eloquent in literally any way.

For this I drank quite a bit of white wine; Its a personal favorite of Sam and mine. It costs about five dollars from Trader Joes, and my favorite kind of wine is a five dollar wine so I'm a happy camper.

Into the real stuff, this is Brandon Sanderson's Hero of Ages:

Spoiler Free Review: So a ton of shit has happened and if you haven't read the first two books please don't read this; In the first book they overthrew the lord ruler, in the second book they took control of Luthadel, and in this book they're dealing with the inevitable heat death of the universe. Quite literally; Vin and Eland are together trying to diplomacy their way into the control of the city while knowing they will probalby have to fight their way into ownernship, while the rest of the crew is completely split up. It's actually one of the things I had problems with is that so many of the characters were split up into different areas, and therefore not interacting, which made me not thrilled. Between Sazed having lost his faith, and Vin and Eland not being able to act the way they normally would and Spook bieng Sppok in this book, it just didn't quite click for me for a long time. There was definitely a slump in the middle of the book and I had to push myself to keep writing. And the slump surprised me becuase there wasn't a slump in the other two books. Straight up, I wasn't expecting for everything to be slow. And it wasn't like things weren't happening, there was always something happeneing; whether there was diplomacy, or sneaking around a city, or fights where people were trying to take over a group of koloss (creatures that pretty much fought and did nothing else) but the way things happened seemed pretty much blah for about 400 pages. And that is a long time to deal with blah. That being said, the last 200 pages picked the fuck up. I mean honestly, if even one of the revelations in the last 200 pages had happened earlier, whew.
Spoilered Review:

Holy crap did the last 200 pages have a lot of stuff going on.  Between the revelations about the kandra nation, and Vin becoming the force of preservation, and spook realizing what was actually happening and then fucking Sazed???? I mean, just, whew. I had so much trouble putting down the book at this point. The fact that Vin had to fight with Ruin to try and keep the world from ending, even more that Eland's death was the reason that Vin could finally defeat Ruin with the double defeat of using all of Ruin's power to fight all of Ruin's forces? And then... I have to say, I normally have a problem with a deus ex machina, and yet this one was so well planned out. The fact that Vin's earring ended up being important, and the irrritating thing is that I can't even remember all of my reasons. But the use of gender neutral terms in the prophecy, to the way the religions that Sazed 'remembered' shaped the world, to the way that people were brought back... Just holy shit, Brandon Sanderson, way for it to look masterful.

Rating: While I loved the ending of this book, I have to give it four out of five shots. The fact that the book had such a slump, the kind of slump where I would have put the thing down if I hadn't known that the ending would be worth it (thanks Sam), doesn't negate the ending and how amazing it seemed. I mean, it was really hard to get through even if the end seemed perfect.


Pairing: I honestly don't know what to paid this with. On the one end I feel like it should be the kind of drink that you get at the ren-faire (a combination of mead and hard cider which let me tell you is delicious on a hot day if you drink it before it gets warm) or, like, a long island ice tea. The kind of drink that in the short term doesn't seem like it's going to be a problem but it's you at the very last second you think it would. I'm gonna stick with teh mead/hard cider drink because it seems to fit just a little bit better.

Read More

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

What I drank prior: a 12 pack? I think? SHUT UP

Spoiler-free Overview:
So... The above was all i had written... so I guess I need to start this again...

What I drank prior: Happy hour with my boss, then I came home and finished a bottle of wine off..

Spoiler-free Overview:
So there are two sisters Scarlet and Tella. They've always wanted to go to Caraval, a magical circuis thing. Run by this guy Legend who is mysterious and brooding. Well that's how i imagine him because we never actually meet him. But anyway, they live with their super-duper abusive father, and Scarlet is about to enter into an arrainged marriage to get away from him. When one day, tickets arrive to go to Caraval. They basically get stolen by this OTHER mysterious and brooding charachter, Julien, to go to the circus.

WHen they get there Tella is kindapped and she becomes the center of this whole game, basically a big game of "find the girl." Everything kinda goes from there...

Spoiler-free Thoughts:
I enjoyed this to an extent. It's now been a few weeks since I read it and I'm seeig more and more issues with it.

Some off-point comments: at one point Scarlett gets this dress that changes with her mood and i fuggin love it. Also, I have a note here in my bullet journal that says "Who the eff is Legend?"

Characters: I'm going to go through them one by one, but overall I didn't like the development of the characters. Not enough backstory to justify their behavior.
- Scarlet: So she's the only one that grows. I love how she starts to understand that she isn't under dadd'ys awful thumb anymore and she learns to do things on her own. However, i will say she's still really stupid.
- Tella: She really annoyed me. Like... really.
- Julien: I like him
- Dante: Uh... ok? I know he's supposed to have a purpose but I just don't know what it is.
- Daddy and Duke: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? They are the villians but like... why? I don't understand why.

World Building: I wish i got to see more of the circus. The whole point of the games are to find Tella then why don't we see everyone running around trying to find her? But the whole concept is really good.

Plot: I felt like the plot was pretty well paced. I was never really bored, nor was i like... slow the fuck down.

**Not going to go into Spoilers because I don't have much to say there...**

Rating: 3/5 Shots

What to pair it with: Something with a lot of rum and a fancy umbrella

Read More

P Reads Wheel of Time Part 2

AN UPDATE: Rand is actually kind of a dick.

(Mostly) Spoiler Free Thoughts editor's note: i promise no major spoilers

In my last post I’d read about one thousand pages of Wheel of Time. It was the best of times. The ta’veren were scared lil boys traipsing across the countryside and flirting with tavern wenches when they weren’t being chased by ten-foot man beasts called trollocs. That was literally the best of times. Nyneave was a bitch, and not an utterly insufferable cunt. Egwene was bout to be rand’s bae. SPOILERS: NAH. Morraine drives the ship and we can’t wait to see how she saves the wold from whatever the shit she says is coming. Idk, some kind of prophecy or battle or Micheal Jackson “Beat It” knife fight reenactment.

Since that post I’ve read book’s 3-7. @sam and I have estimated that since I’ve reads ezclusivley WoT this year, it’s about 5000 pages so far. Questions arise:

How. How the shit did I read the same “story” and not get hella bored? Fam, how did I read that many pages in the, like 40 days it’s been since 2017 started. Why. Why notquit on it? If you know me at all you know that what I enjoy most about many of these reads is plot more than anything (and Kitai - editor's note: see P's Codex Alera review for more context), WHY do I continue to invest in a world where the plot mayn’t progress as fast as aw want???

Well, This man Robert Jordan is a worldsmith. That is not a typo. Between the Seanchan and the Carithiens and the motherfucking Aiel and the Domani, there are quite literally close to a dozen cultures whose intricacies trip up our characters. Every time they learn, comment, observe, judge, or cringe, I do too. I’m ouchea trying to pick up written dialect. Tf does that even begin to sound fun? Idk, fam, but it is. Entire pages are made of a coach’s description, or the patrons of a decrepit inn. When any sentence or paragraph ends, I wonder what I’ve learned or when this tidbit will make itself manifeset in the Pattern. Oh. The pattern. It weaves as it wills.

Our main characters are crazy involved, but I mean duh, they’ve had like 4 thousand pages to do it, ffs:

This man Rand is a dick. Between the fate of the worlds and the vocal presence of a legend in his sub and active conscious, he’s got a lot going on, pulling him from the sheepherder he was. But fam. Rand got hoes. What woman doesn’t want to give him the cheeks?!?! Prophecy after prohecy he fulfills (including the fact that literally three women will love him together (And hopefully simultaneiously? Eh EHHHH???); he is:

• The Dragon Reborn
• Lews Therin Reborn
• The car’a’carn
• The Coramoor

Rand fights the literal devil’s literal agents. The progression of that part of the plot is annoying slow if not necessarily predictable (through seven novels). It’ ostensibly what these books are about, but I hate getting there, inevitably, in the last 200 pages, every book.

Mat is Sam’s bae. He is a regular fucking guy who likes bitches and wine, and happens to be ta’veren with Rand. More accurately, he’s been swept up in this bullshit, to his (and, tactically Rand’s) benefit. He gets chased by queens and chases tavern wenches. He gambles with his life and his coin and, if I had to guess, I’d wager he’s the most vital non-Rand character in this universe, and happens to gain some crucial military tactical skills from a tall door. You read that right.

Perrin Goldeneyes is strong as fuck. Read any random passage about him: “perrin’ shoulders were mad fat” “perrin broke this motherfucker in half, like literally split his shit with a knife”. “perrin, if you hadn’t forgotten, is part wolf and shit so GAHDAMN HE ANGRY!!!” Whereras many of these things are true, even Wolfboy P evolves, to have feelings and shit, and love and stuff. I talk shit, but we spend like abook and a half not really seeing him, and I missed him and his hammer (--- dick joke. Keep up)


Rating:

852/1000 Whiskey Sours

I give this section of the series a bunch of Whiskey sours. I been drinkin, but I cant remember exactly what I read and in the midst of this black out I’m excited to see what I can make happen. I know it’ boutta get real but I also know a bunch of bullshit is about to happen and i’ll only care in that moment. I trust Robert Jordan as my Designated Driver. Even if I sick up all the sour mix cuz of thisbumpy ass carriage ride on the long ass winding goddam path he takes to describe the flies’ iridescence in a Podunk village I’ll only hear referenced once again, 800 pages later, I trust him to get me home to battle Satan for the fate of all the worlds.

Read More

This Shattered World by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner

This Shattered World by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner

What I drank prior: 7ish beers? maybe? i lost count.

Spoiler-free overview:
Not much I can say really without spoiling the last book except Jubilee and Flynn shouldn't have met. In the same way Tarver and Lilac shouldn't have met. Sci-fi crazy unknown shit happens. We gotta make sure that Lilac's dad doesn't eff shit up.

Spoiler-free thoughts:
So look, I wanted more of my fave couple. But i got these two instead...

Writing style: the same i loved it... i'm trash for it just deal

Characters: I didn't want to like Jubilee and Flynn but I did. I spent the whole book wanting more Tarver and Lilac but I fell in love with the enxt two and they're wodnerful.

Plot: While similar to book one it was VASTLY different in that there were side characters. Book 1 didnt' have any... this book had a ton. That helped the plot significantly. It served to provide more evidence to Lilac's charges to her daddio.

Spoilers:

So like.. what the actual fuck are the whispers and why did they choose this planet. I was really not a fan of the romance cause like... i predicted it from the start. Not a fan of that. I liek slow burnign romances and would prefer the two MCs not fall in love but ok. ALSO, I really hope they figure out this whole whispers thing.

What to pair it with: sex on the beach... because its delicious but you hate drinking it

Rating: 3/5 shots

I remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam

Read More